2014-04-25 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

By Marilyn Gelfand

After Hurricane Sandy saying we have to deal with the unexpected is an obvious statement. That was a big event for us, and still is. Our anger at Build It Back program has now led to an investigation. So there are so many twists and turns in how events and programs may be carried out. But we deal with the unexpected every day, and often that leads to so much stress because things didn’t happen the way we thought or hoped they would.

Possibly you are dealing with someone who is treating you in an incomprehensible way or his behavior has suddenly changed. Is it you or is it personal events for the other that has led to a difference? Your car may break down, electrical problems arise or your children or health are taking you off in another direction. Your job, your garden, your mail delivery... and on and on. It makes it amazing how many things actually do go right.

First, we must be prepared that the unexpected is a natural part of life. The expression, “go with the flow” means we need to be flexible and accepting of life as it is not what we want. Then we check what we can do to bring it more in line with our thoughts. You can ask the person what is happening, have your car fixed, follow up on a mail delivery, etc. and then we are bringing in a bit of control into the situation. We then can get some understanding and resolution when possible. It may not be possible in every case. Your children decide to move to California or your health has disappointed you. These are examples of the uncontrollable. We try to encourage our family to stay or find out what prompted the moving idea, and with our bodies we bring in remedies. But then we have to deal with the circumstances as they are.

When you realize that there is no changing the circumstances of a situation or the behavior of another person who you care about or the loss of your job, it is good to take time and acknowledge the pain you feel. It is okay to feel sad or upset. It may take a while to release all the emotion surrounding the issue. With the acceptance comes the release of the pain, and hopefully the ability to create a new plan and expectation that can be good. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel very upset. It is life’s way of teaching us something. Allow the painful emotions to come out to the surface. In time, you will be prepared with the understanding that life is bittersweet. We win a few and lose a few, and that is what is intended. We must enjoy those beautiful moments that we have with a real sense of joy because we know there is a balance in life.

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