2014-02-07 / Columnists

Slice Of Life

Snowpocalypse
by Beth Hanning

I know we should not complain about the weather. It is in fact winter, and cold weather and snow accompanies this season. It would be okay to complain if it actually snowed in June or July. However there were many years where we had none or little amounts of snow. I actually remember a few years where I never even wore hats and gloves. There were a few years where I do not think I owned a winter jacket. So when we get a winter as cold and snowy as this, it is complaint worthy.

It does not take a meteorologist to inform us that the weather has been awful this winter. When is the last time we have heard about southern cities being shut down due to snow and cold temperatures leaving children to sleep in schools and on school buses? It is also humorous that we mock those same southern cities because their entire infrastructure shuts down for two inches; however they do not have the resilience, practice or the equipment we have to deal with these weather patterns.

Many people claim they enjoy the snow. I do not understand what they enjoy.

1. I hate driving in it. What could be fun about driving white knuckled worrying about the drivers who think you can possibly still drive at regular speeds? What could be fun about skidding across Newport Avenue when turning?

2. I hate shoveling it. It often seems to be that my husband has work whenever there is an amount of snow that needs to be shoveled. Shoveling is when I realize how old and out of shape I am. And isn’t it a miracle during the first snowstorm if you find the shovels from the previous winter?

3. I hate what the salt and snow do to my floors. I often wonder if we can find a better way to melt the snow than salt. The roads are full of potholes due to the salt and my floors have salt stains from everyone’s shoes.

4. I hate wearing so many layers and trying to stay dry. Who enjoys constantly wearing boots, socks, layers, hats, gloves, and scarves? Many times this year I have felt like the sibling from “The Christmas Story” who is bundled up where he cannot move a muscle.

Now if I was a child who got out of school early and had snow days to relax and go skiing or sledding I am sure I would enjoy them more. But this whole being an adult thing in the snow is no fun at all.

Super Bowl 48 was a bit of a disappointment. It was from the initial play of the game when the Seahawks scored the two-point safety. The people I was watching the game with said that safety messed with everyone’s pools. I am sure the water cooler discussion of “If they hadn’t gotten that safety I would be on a tropical vacation right now” is going around. My witty friend Meghan Flanagan said that statement is equivalent to the Marathon Sunday line: “I’m running next year.”

Thank you to my friends who deal with my Tuesday texts: Any ideas for the column? I really appreciate it. You know who you are! Have a great week everyone. Fellas don’t forget Valentine’s Day next Friday.

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