2013-07-26 / Sports

RBVL Heads Down the Home Stretch

By Rocky D

In 1973 I tore the ligaments in my right knee. I decided against an operation for just one procedure and decided to wait until I injured the knee again. This way I could get two procedures for just one co-pay. Well, just forty years later it happened. I tore my right knee meniscus, and had both ligaments and meniscus fixed in a two for one special. Now that’s the way to keep health care costs down.

I did miss RBVL volleyball and Graybeards basketball but don’t cry for me Argentina, I will be back next year. While recovering from my surgery I had a bit of time on my hands to do some research. Some, if not all, may say too much time on my hands after reading this article. The research revealed a very interesting demographic concerning the RBVL committee. Apparently all male committee members, Joe, John, Steve and myself are from Kings County (Brooklyn) and the women, Denise and Patty are from Queens.

Therefore, what was thought to be all along a hierarchy was, in fact, a Monarchy. That’s right. The RBVL is ruled by Kings and Queens which makes us royalty. For brevity and clarity we shall be known as the Royal Family West.

There will be a few minor adjustments, name changes and royal protocol requirements. Patricia Moule will now be Royally known as Patrician Moule and will no longer bear the title of president; it is much too pedestrian. She will be known as the Queen Mum. Whether she can stay mum is doubtful. John will be known as King John of the Tikiwood Forrest; Denise will be the Duchess Dee Niece and addressed as Lady Denise or informally as Dame Denise. No relation to Dom DeLuise. Joe will be addressed as the Duke of Earl (apologies to Gene Chandler), Rocky will be your Squire for hire and Stevie G. will be reverentially known as “the Prince of Darkness.” The royal committee actually has a blood line connection to the House of Plantagenet through Patty’s husband, Simon. It seems that Simon’s ancestors had a two and half century contract (talk about an extended cell phone contract) with the Plantagenet dynasty to supply food tasters for the King.

Although 276 ancestors of Simons’ died “on the job,” Simon took great pride in the fact that it was steady work for the family and they left the earth with a good meal in their stomachs. In addition to that connection it appears that our equipment master may have had a “hand” so to speak, in the royal birth. Not only is the royal baby red-headed with an onerous and cantankerous personality, but he asked the delivery doctor to open his medical bag so he could examine it.

When introduced to a royal committee member, etiquette is of the utmost importance. Men shall give a small bow, from the neck, not the waist, and women shall curtsey, right heel behind the left. When leaving Royal Family company always back away never turning your back to them. This is especially important when dropping off nets to the Dungeon Storage Master, the Marquis de Steve. I am not sure I would turn my back to Steve under any circumstances. The storage room will be renamed the storage dungeon and “hosted” by the Dungeon Master, Steve. When learning of the name change of the equipment room, Steve immediately tacked up a wooden sign over the door, embossed with the following “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.” The bathroom just outside the storage dungeon will be off limits to commoners and restricted to Royal Family only. It shall be re-named “The Royal Flush.” And only used by direct blood adherents to the “Royal Throne.” The peasantry should not fear the new modest changes being implemented. The Monarchy will be beneficent yet firm in administering justice to their subjects, especially when the press is around. Speak loudly and carry a small cudgel as TR always said. Should a violation of protocol occur the family has a blasphemy policy in place. People who commit etiquette infractions will be flown to Florida and forced to waiter the early bird special in a Boca Rotan diner for two weeks. Several 8th amendment complaints of cruel and unusual punishment have already been filed against the committee. Second offenders will be required to don a Johnny Cakes walk league softball shirt and slow walk Beach 116th street in daylight. Don’t expect mercy from us - we never signed the Magna Carta.

The referees will be addressed as My Lord and My Lady at all times. That is, except for Tony Carty, who will be addressed as Your Highness for reasons too delicate to mention in this article. Since the RBVL logo on uniforms has now been re-categorized as the Royal Family Coat of Arms, players will have to pay royalties (ouch) to the royal family to wear them. The current nine divisions will be consolidated into three, Serf, Peasant and Vassal Division. Of course, the serf division will play all its games down by the water’s edge or surf. The Royal Committee will observe the play from an observation balcony separated from the player’s by a ten foot moat containing several hundred Kim Kardashian bobble head dolls as a deterrent.

Now onto the flotsam and jetsam of the RBVL. Joe is back from two weeks in Italy to receive the Perry White Award for speech brevity. It was part of his circumlocution tour of the world. While in Italy, Joe, I mean The Duke of Earl, was amazed at the linguistic fluency of the Italians. “Wow! Even the small children can speak Italian here.” As the boys of summer were ensconced comfortably in Kirby Cove, Jimmy Mack was reflecting on the astonishing technological world we live in. “Imagine, only ten years ago my cooler had neither wheels nor a pull handle. It’s amazing, like waking up in the middle of a Jules Verne novel.” Longstanding legendary league leitmotif Cubby has been nowhere to be seen. Just for the record, Cubby’s confirmation name is also Cubby. Now a brief encapsulation of Wednesday’s games - half the league defeated the other half of the league by either of the following scores: 5-0, 4-1 or 3-2. All games were either very close, pretty close, not close at all, or Glenn Close. Noteworthy news: Colleen from Diggin and Swiggin is on a record pace to break the league hydration record. She has cleaned and lifted 245 hydration bar bell cans in a row without dropping one. All were extracted from her team’s 80-quart, white Igloo “hydration station.” Go girl! Did anyone notice that Tom Tuohey did not get a plug in for Sands Point Physical Therapy in this issue? That makes this issue highly, highly collectable.

As the season continues to its inevitable end there is a definite feeling, to quote Governor Christie, that we are stronger than the storm. Although in Governor Christie’s case, he may or may not be stronger than the storm, but he is definitely larger than the storm. There was a mouse in the house, or Bungalow to be precise. Not the cheese eating kind but the Irish Ayes (Bungalow signature drink) drinking kind. Yes, DJ Mouse was in attendance at the Bungalow Bar, not as a wax spinner but a reveler. He will be doing our playoff day on August 10th, so good music is the only option. The Bungalow Bar has been redone and looks great. Definitely come down and check it out. The food Wednesday night was great. DJ Teddy was on his game with his mix of social commentary blended in with dance/party mojo music. Bobby Fash’s team seem to play much better Fashless (no Bobby) and with three women. There’s a low rumble getting louder every minute to “Slash the Fash.” A couple of original RBVL players, Janet Fash and Eileen Bledsoe, stopped by the courts and Bungalow Bar. It was great seeing two people who were there on day one and contributed much to make this league what it is today. The refs arrived early and set up their chairs in a half circle around the buffet line in eager anticipation of the unveiling of the steam trays. It looked somewhat like the siege of Constantinople. All happy volleyball players are alike but each unhappy volleyball player is unhappy in his own way. What does that mean? I don’t know, I didn’t write it; ask Leo.

Brooklyn Window and Door defeated Federation 3- 2. Federation worked as cohesively as a Swiss Clock. Unfortunately the clock was broken. The Stanii and the Odd Couples had an epic match but who really prevailed? The veterans or the young shavers? And what player emeritus almost received a red card in his return to action? Billy Hofmann, regional sales manager for Long Trail Brewery, was in the house raffling off a mountain bike and giving away custom tank tops. Billy Collins of the Snotty Yachty’s was down playing despite battling some health issues. He played so well that league officials are considering a drug test. Congratulations to Glenn of Connolly’s who did not serve one silver platter serve, meaning they actually went in. They won 3-2 but Laura didn’t know who they beat. Must be the de-hydration effect. It’s All Good is looking to replicate the vibes from that magical palindromic year 2002. Marybeth, Leenie and Kim showed they can do more than just serve and Alex and Patrick have shown they can replace Allison and Brian. So look for It’s All Good to make its second run for the sweatshirts this year. The Flip Cup All Stars record before Liz Sica showed up 0-2; their record after she arrived 3-0. Once again, it was Liz to the rescue.

Just to clear up the issue of the shirts. They will be arriving in the near or distant future. Remember that It’s All Good Tee shirts was destroyed by the storm and Chris is working his way back. Everyone seems to have gotten the message, “Set up early and bring in quickly.” Keep up the good work for the last two weeks. Remember, it gets dark earlier each week. Captains who have handed in unsigned rosters must now get them signed. SIGNED rosters were due in week three (6/26). Most of the teams have complied but a few have not. Please get that taken care of. Because of Hurricane Sandy and our late start this season this item has been put on the back burner by the league but it needs to be completed ASAP. All six people on your RBVL Committee are willing to help you with any problems that come up or just check our website at www.rbvl.com. You’ll find the answers to most of your questions there, not to mention pretty pictures and funny stories.

See you on the beach!

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