The Inner Voice
Watching my plants outside after their experience with the saltwater really shows me again how little I can control. Some of the large evergreens in front looked beautiful all winter. I just thought that meant they were ok. Then spring came and lo and behold they turned brown. I added gypsum and had the lawn turned over with water, fertilizer and organic soil. The plants are making their own decisions. I may be doing everything right, but I cannot control whether they will continue to live or not.
So much of our lives is spent waiting for things to unfold. Waiting for someone to say something or making up their mind is tough to wait for. It can take a long time before we can know what the outcome is. Often we have to wait for medical results or whether we will be in the next batch of terminated workers and it seems like time is going so slowly. All we can do while we wait is to trust that we have done everything as best as we can and that if there is anything else that needs our attention, we will realize it. We can hope and pray that certain things may occur and then wait to see.
Even if we do not have an answer, that is not a reason to despair. We must assume that something good will happen, and then just deal with it as it happens. We cannot make assumptions if things take a long time to unfold. As some of us waited for insurance claims to be settled, the delays had very little to do with us if we complied with the information requested. The delays were not personal.
So I can see that some trees are no longer alive, and I will pull them out. I will wait for the brown ones to decide if they will live or die and continue to feed them. Some bushes I thought were dead are now showing small signs of life. I will allow nature to take its course and I will pay attention to what I can do to help it along the way. I have to accept all the outcomes as they develop. This holds true for so much in life. I must admit that hurricane Sandy did help me learn to have patience and to mellow out. No matter how hard I tried or screamed or despaired, the outcome occurred at the time that was right for each situation which so often depended on others. Happiness can happen when we learn to let go.