2013-05-24 / Columnists

Boyleing Points

By Kevin Boyle

I’m not the only one thinking the spring is cold and nasty. You see the trees? Some have buds on them but barely so. It’s like they’re putting their toes in the water. Little babies.

Trees are such sissies (feel free to use another offensive term). If they’re not showing buds, they’re dead. What a bunch of sissies. One little dose of salt water in October and they just croak? C’mon. I’ll no longer feel guilty about putting up my fake Christmas tree. In fact, those Leyland cypress trees are being replaced by 20 foot plastic pink flamingos. Enough with going green. I’m gonna have Miss Columbia as my gardener. You don’t know who Miss Columbia is? Orange beard, green hair. Or vice versa.

Anyway, they say resilience is the new thing. Well, beware of wood. I mean, the boardwalk washed up on a neighbor’s lawn. But my plastic seats in the backyard only needed to be hosed down. That’s resilience. My friends will be sitting on hurricane experienced seats this summer and won’t even know it.

You know what they said in the movie, The Graduate. One word: Plastics.

Boyleing Points: When The Wave asked people to guess what was going into Wendy’s, Bruce Bernfeld was ready. He guessed another Sleepy’s, a flat fixing place and a White Castle. And he added “a Wendy’s would be nice.” They kind of sound like my guesses. Anytime you want this column, Bruce.

**Seems I can’t go a column without a beer mention. I got a text on Tuesday that the beers on the ferry were back to $3 ! I guess they’re only $4 when the ferry is crowded!

**My former opponent, Anthony Weiner, announced that he’s running for Mayor. I ran against him as a write-in candidate some years back. I recall, I got multiple, yes, multiple votes. And edged out other write-in candidates Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. And though some people might think that’s a joke, it’s not. Mickey did get more votes than I did in the Presidential write-in vote. I expect Weiner’s people to talk me out of running again this year. We’ll see. I mean, I can be bought. (Though not as cheaply as Malcolm Smith).

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