2013-05-10 / Columnists

Boyleing Points

In Heaven There Is No Beer
By Kevin Boyle

If The Wave were The Onion, the satirical newspaper, then we would’ve run the headline Mormons Declare Beer Exception and then run a story about how the high priests in Salt Lake City came to view Rockaway as a particularly tough nut to crack as far as signing up converts. The good young souls have done everything. They were out again last weekend raking and digging. You couldn’t blame some locals for saying they had witnessed some miracle (or at least Miracle Growth) as these young people in yellow vests happily went about changing sand into grass.

They’ve broken their backs and smiled through it all gaining the admiration of so many in Rockaway. But for all the work there wasn’t much to show for it. So the high priests would’ve declared a special dispensation to all missionaries. It would have been like getting the okay for a sirloin on Fridays in Lent. Beer for all missionaries in Rockaway. The edict would have been - nothing crazy, stick to Bud Light. Which would’ve been cool, because that‘s like the eleventh commandment around here anyway. If,-if,-if this was a satire, we’d be writing about Mitt Romney buying rounds at Rogers. We’d be writing about the Donnie and Marie Beer Revival tent.

But this isn’t The Onion and I won’t say how in Rockaway beer might be needed for divine intervention.

Oh, and PS: Don’t stand near me in a lightning storm.

Boyleing Points: Speaking of beer, ya got hand it to the government, they know how to wear you down and keep you in the dark. Plans for Rockaway will be revealed when summer is in full swing. Most of us won’t know how they’ve screwed up until after Labor Day. Enjoy the summer though!

**Neighbors wondered why there was no report of a fire on Beach 126th street a couple weeks back. It’s not news when the fire department is called when my mother cooks.

**For those reading this on Friday, do your best to get to Pearl Street in the City to catch the Grayriders playing at The Full Shilling in a benefit for the Graybeards. The Ferry will get you there and back.

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