2013-04-19 / Columnists

Boyleing Points

By Kevin Boyle

You know, there’s mortal danger to having a Rockaway or Brooklyn sense of humor. It’s the kind of thing that can get you hit by a car. What do you do, when you’re riding your bike or just walking in the street when a car swerves at you. A normal person moves to avoid getting slammed.

But if you’ve grown up a certain way, you think, I’m not reacting. I’m not gonna give the driver the satisfaction. In other words, you figure you must know the guy aiming his car at you -- and he’s doing it for a laugh. And you cannot reward him. You must act cool, like – it’s just a car --you cannot overreact. You cannot so much as move an inch to avoid the oncoming car. You cannot become the butt of this friend’s joke. Of course, there’s been a few times when I waited a bit too long and had to leap out of the way because it was just a stranger losing control of the car. And they came close enough for me to imagine the conversation in the ambulance.

“Didn’t you see the car coming right at you?” they’d ask.

“Well, I thought it was a joke. And…uh….”

“A joke?”

Then they’d call in the white coats: “You’re 50 something years old and you think a car coming at you is a joke? Your pride wouldn’t let you get out of the way?”

Well, it’s because of the other 50 year old something guys. These guys – even older than 50 something – they’re still swerving their cars at you. And still blasting their horns when you walk in front of their cars. Just for a laugh.

When does that end? They’d ask.

Now you’re joking, right?

**Boyleing Points: The $4 million dollar lifeguard palaces are structures that are only used three months a year (talk about a DFD benefit…) but now I’ve learned that they actually double as Nike missile silos. As soon as Labor Day passes, the government stores missiles inside the rectangle modules and tilts them at a 45 degree angle. If you’ve seen any of the construction you know they’re being mounted high off the ground – the Parks explanation is to be safe from future floods. Well, they’re being mounted so that firing mechanisms can be installed underneath them. When planning this defense system, someone raised the issue about placing these rockets in a populated area. Perhaps a foreign enemy would bomb them to try and take them out. So what, was the official response: It’s only Rockaway.

**Rockaway will be back to normal when the biggest issue in town is dog crap on the beach.

**After a fair amount of research, there is only one $6 Budweiser on the beach. It’s not Daltons, The Wharf, Blackwater, Irish Circle, Kerry Hills, Healy’s or Roger’s. And don’t know about RBIs ‘cause I never set foot in there (somehow I doubt they have a $6 Bud).

**Hey Freddy! Longtime Boyleing Points fan Freddy Marino is among the displaced. He’s having work done on his Neponsit home and will be back soon. He says he reads this column before anything else in The Wave. He’s just trying to make me feel good. Everyone goes to either Lew Simon or Dorothy Dunne first. We miss you, Fred!

**And hey Aunt Nora – my dear godmother and Rockaway summer babe back in the day is now getting a subscription to The Wave. Aunt Nora has this neat little tradition of sending me lottery tickets on my birthday. She rips them up before putting them in the envelope because she knows they never win. I still like getting the mail though! So keep ‘em coming!

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