2013-03-29 / Columnists

Slice of Life

by Beth Hanning

Over the years my husband and I have had many fights over his snoring. For years we tried strips across his nose, I wore ear plugs. Sometimes I even slept in a different room to get some shut eye. During this time period my husband did not believe how loudly he snored. I would be exhausted and he would brush it off as if I was exaggerating. For years he thought I was being so dramatic about not getting a good night’s sleep.

However, there came a change in 2010 when I realized my cell phone had the capability to record him snoring. I thought I was a genius. I could not wait until the snoring started. So, after a day of Sunday football I waited for him to fall asleep. As soon as he feel asleep I pressed record and got as close to him as I could. I was so excited when I first listened to the recording. I recorded him multiple times that night. In addition to the snoring, I could not sleep that night due to the excitement of having cold hard evidence of his vice. So the next morning my daughters and I played the evidence to my husband. His response was not what I had expected. I expected him to feel awful about all of the sleepless nights I had because of his snoring, but instead I received a, “Wow, that’s pretty loud.” Nothing. No sympathy for the exhaustion he had caused for so many years. Not even an apology.

So, even though I had discovered this technology to prove my case, nothing really changed. Oh wait, one thing did. The next time I was exhausted from a long day of work I was recorded while allegedly snoring. (I still do not believe it was me.) So while I thought my technology breakthrough was wonderful, the only thing that changed was now I also was made fun of for snoring.

Another thing technology has changed is the argument. Before the Internet my husband and his brother would argue intensely over who won multiple sports awards: Who had more home runs, who had the most rushing yards, or who had the most strike outs? Their biggest argument was on Thanksgiving 2000 regarding the MVP of Major League Baseball in 1986. One brother believed it to be Roger Clemens, the other brother disagreed because it is so rare for a pitcher to win the award.. The argument got so heated that in order to end it one brother called WFAN. WFAN hung up on them. The next day my husband went to purchase a sports almanac to prove Roger Clemens was in fact the MVP. If the Internet had been invented that Thanksgiving would have turned out much differently.

Many people had told me before the Internet the two brothers should have their own sports radio show. Everyone enjoyed the banter between the siblings. Since the Internet it really is not that enjoyable. As soon as one argues a point on anything from sports, to entertainment or history, someone Googles the topic on their phone and argument over. Where is the fun in that? ***Happy birthday to my brother John Thomas Lydon. (I had to make sure I mentioned the middle name, my father does not want his name in the paper anymore.) ***

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