2013-03-15 / Columnists

Boyleing Points

By Kevin Boyle

That’s why they call him Sunny. The ever-smiling local Fedex man chastised me for being a gloom and doom merchant, a repent now doomsayer in last week’s column. Poppa Graybeard Steve Stathis didn’t go for the dark cloud vibe either. He said I should refund him the 50 cents he paid for the Wave. I don’t read your crap to get depressed. I read your crap to laugh about crap.

Sunny told me to look at the bright side. So, you raise your house, what’s the big deal? Didn’t you always want a house with an elevator? You can run up your front steps and dance around like Rocky. You get to see eye to eye with Dayton tower residents. You get to drive under your house —- look at the all the extra parking spaces! You no longer sit on a porch, you sit on a balcony. You’ll never have mice in the basement again. Your kids will have to move out sooner.

He was on a roll. You can start a new civic association called Rockaway Heights. A brick house? Who cares. They brought the Cloisters over brick by brick from Europe. Rapid Raising will take care of you, no sweat.

Didn’t you hear? Governor Cuomo is giving permits to allow observatories on your top floor. All homeowners can get a New York State Hubble telescope if they build high enough.

I was still depressed. Well, look at the bright side, he said again. When you want to end it all, you can jump out your first floor window.

Yeah, well, see how Sunny you feel when you start climbing all the steps on your route.

**Welcome back to Rockaway Helen Boyle. She’d spent her time displaced at the Culinary Institute teaching aspiring chefs how to make and serve pork chops without meat—. the bones and apple sauce dish she made famous in Brooklyn in the 1960’s.

** The Graybeards were teased a tad for riding in the parade in golf carts (donated by the good folks at Marine Park Golf Course). The ‘Beards say they weren’t golf carts – they were parade floats dressed up as golf carts.

**The Dome is up. I hear 400 hipsters lined up for tacos on one side. And trucks from the Department of Sanitation lined up for salt on the other.

PS: I think it looks kinda cool.

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