2013-02-22 / Columnists

Boyleing Points

By Kevin Boyle

Where are the senior citizens? The Greatest Generation is letting me down. I’m trying to read my Verizon bill and it’s just friggin impossible. It’s like a Joan Mettler letter, wraparound insurance policy and a FEMA advisory map all in one. The total charge looks like a college tuition bill. All these fees and line charges and something called “additional charges” which are not explained. Once I realized I might have to call Verizon I got a pit in my stomach and then poured myself a scotch and watched reruns of Family Feud. Only kidding, only kidding. The Family Feud part isn’t true.

But seriously, Gray Panthers, army of the AARP, where are you? You’re supposed to call your congressman and the Better Business Bureau. You guys are children of the Great Depression and you’re supposed to fight for every nickel (so the rest of us don’t have to). You’re supposed to wear down Verizon. You’re supposed to demand that Verizon make these bills easier to understand (and less expensive). So enough with your slacking off. Enough with the Golden Age and JASA craziness. Enough with watching the grandchildren. Get to work. Make Verizon cry. The westill rely on Mom-and-Dad generation needs you!

Boyleing Points: **You know what I forgot in last week’s column about trying not to forget. I forgot how often I heard people say they were lucky. If the basement was flooded they said they were lucky it wasn’t the first floor. If their first floor was flooded they said they were lucky their house didn’t burn down. If their house burned down, they said they were lucky to be alive. So many things, people pointed to their good luck.

**I know I’m a little late getting to the new internet craze, the Harlem Shake. But now that I’ve seen it, the same moves have been used outside the Park Inn since 1980.

**Although it seems like they grow like mold, rumor has it nail salons are starving for, well, fingernails. Seems there are a lot of empty chairs. Maybe another sign that people are still working their fingers to the bone.  And, finally. that there are too many of them.

**So the staff here wanted to have a contest to rename the “What’s Happening” column. Some wiseacre said how bout you call it The Sh** Nobody Ever Goes To column. Ouch!

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