2013-01-04 / Columnists

Boyleing Points

Might Have To Die Of Thirst Or Take Out A Loan
Commentary By Kevin Boyle

I’m not naming names. Yet. But I will after I’ve finished my research. At a local eating establishment I had a perfectly fine hamburger and the server couldn’t have been more charming. I was happy to see another place up and running. But the good feelings were crushed when I got the bill and saw that a bottle of Bud cost me six bucks. I wiped some sand and dust from my eyes, let loose with a Rockaway cough, and looked closer. Damn, my beautiful wife’s Coors Light was $6, too. I’m sorry, six friggin dollars for a bottle of beer? Gimme a break. A six pack at Stop and Shop cost me $6.49. Retail.

At six bucks a wine steward or Mr. Anheiser and Mr. Busch themselves should be delivering it to your table. At six bucks the waiter should stand there as you let the Bud breathe before sniffing the opened bottle. He should stand there waiting for an approving nod that the hops and barley seem just right. Sheesh, if I knew it was six bucks I would’ve swished the Bud in my mouth like was a 1972 Chateau Mouton Rothschild. (Okay, I googled a fancy wine. Readers know I’m more a Boone’s Farm kinda guy. But I digress…)

Anyway, I gotta start drinking and comparing. If I find six bucks is the norm in Rockaway I’ll be drinking at home or in front of the Park Inn before going out to eat. Or I’ll join the kids in Bum Forest (aka Riis Woods) in Neponsit for a pre-game buzz.

They want to charge $15.95 for shrimp cocktail? Let ‘em. It might be the best shrimp I’ll ever eat. $21.95 for chicken parm? Sure. Maybe they’ve got a chef that flies in from New Orleans just to make it. I’ll decide later if it was worth it. But nobody is serving the best Bud in town. Bud is Bud. 6 bucks? What am I, a tourist?

Now, I don’t want to make any broad assumptions so it’s my duty to drink in every place in town before, hiccup, I cast any further aspersions. Here’s hoping my inner cheapskate isn’t appalled and the six dollar Bud is unique to one place (at least through 2013!). ***Boyleing Points: The Neponsit home was shut down in 1998 because it was deemed unsafe. Actually, it was more like Giuliani coup—the erstwhile mayor wanted the place for some cronies to use. Fourteen years later and with no upkeep or maintenance the place held up during Sandy better than most oceanfront structures. **Although Patrick “other from another” Brady only friended me on Facebook after he had 2,000 closer friends I don’t hold that against him and follow his love affair with cheese closely. My name is Pat and I love cheese. That’s the kind of opening line that makes you demand more. ** Happy Birthday Pat McVeigh – should’ve gotten this in last year’s paper.

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