2012-03-16 / Columnists

School Scope

Hey Bob Turner! Where’s MY Tax Credit?
Commentary By Norman Scott

I was heartened to read in the March 9 edition of The Wave that our soon to be ex-Congressman and future Senator Bob Turner was pushing the idea of a $5000 direct tax credit for any parent paying parochial or private school tuition. In a spirit of religious harmony, leaders of both yeshivas and Catholic schools jumped on the bandwagon in supporting the bill. The Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Taosists, Shintoists and Voduns (Voodoo) can’t be far behind. Who can resist the entitlement money tree, especially when it comes out of our taxes? Didn’t Republican District Leader Joan Deacy brag about how Turner has sponsored 30 pro-business bills? This one should be a real winner. (I tried to count the number of bills Turner sponsored that support unions or people who don’t own businesses but haven’t come up with any yet. But I’m sure they’re coming.) I join both of them in supporting the concept of “choice,” especially when it comes to public services.

My sanitation guys do a great job but they come Tuesdays and Fridays. I really prefer Mondays and Wednesdays. I was about to sell my house and buy a home on a street with those pickup days but thanks to Bob Turner and that tax credit I can have my choice of a private carting firm which will come any days I want. Boy, do I love this choice thingie.

I know how overworked the police are in Rockaway and I’d feel more secure if I could hire a private security firm to assure my safety. Thanks for the five grand Bob.

And then there’s the fire department, which is no closer to my house than a mile. I want a fire engine on my block full-time. That five grand will certainly help when I get all my neighbors to sign on to the tax credit idea and we pool our money. We might even be able to afford a truck with a ladder.

And then there’s all those countries my taxes have paid for to invade and occupy, certainly not my top pick in nations to invade. My choice is to invade Luxembourg. But five thousand will only go so far. So I need help in financing the invasion. If we can get lots of people together Bob has promised to deliver on those tax credits. I’m already loading the kayaks.

But education is where there is gold in them thar hills. I might as well jump in myself by opening a school aimed at teaching children not to believe in religion: The Academy for a Godless Education (AGE). Shouldn’t atheists have choices too? And if I can’t get a tax credit I can always go the charter school route where I can get $1500 for every child I recruit. What me worry about separation of church and state? I have people like Bob Turner and every single potential Republican nominee for president to back me up.

I wanted to join Rick Santorum in a vomit fest when I read Howie Schwach’s critique in The Wave last week of Santorum’s being sickened over John F. Kennedy’s guarantee in 1960 that he would not impose his Catholic faith on the rest of America. OK, so I’m a Jewish atheist. But if Santorum is elected and redresses Kennedy’s blasphemous statement, I’ll convert. Twice.

Before I invade Luxembourg (the reason is, we once spent two days in 1978 in a hotel over a bar where the noise kept us up half the night), Chris Pavone, the son of one of my best friends, Vera Pavone, has written a very hot spy novel, “The Expats,” based in that tiny nation. The book got a wonderful review by Janet Maslin in this week’s NY Times. The story is about a CIA agent who gives up her job to become a stay at home mom when her husband, who knows nothing of her past life, gets a high paying job in Luxembourg and they move there with their two children. In real life, Chris was that “mom” when his wife got a job and they moved with their twin boys. So Chris got to know a lot more about Luxembourg than he wanted to. Out of his boredom came a great novel.

I’ve known Chris since he was 3 years old. His mom and I have been part of educator activist groups for over 40 years. Chris survived endless ed-political meetings throughout his childhood and lived up to his guarantee he would never become a teacher. (His brother has become a NYC teacher.) Chris is back in NYC and a public school parent. How about a novel about a CIA agent who becomes a member of the PTA in the WalBloomBlackKlein era and discovers that closing schools and privatizing the entire public school system is part of an international Al Qaeda plot?

When Norm is not coming up with schemes to steal money from the evil government he blogs at ednotesonline.com.

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