If politics has taught us anything, it’s don’t throw away your Jane Deacy signs. As it happens, I’ve got some news about Phil Goldfeder that just might rock the political world.
But first there’s Anthony Weiner business to take care of. He’s been kicked around so much it’s clear he needs some boyleing points advice.
I think Weiner should change his name to Winner. For a little while, reporters would have to say “formerly known as Weiner” and the New York Post would run the obvious headline: Winner? What A Loser! But then they’d get tired of that and just start calling him Winner. And then he could start using the first name Tony more often than Anthony so he’d be known as Tony Winner – a name made for Broadway and maybe City Hall.
Tony Winner. Oh, man. This is too good. He’d keep all that name recognition he, uhm, earned and be able to – pardon the pun — stage a comeback like no other.
It’s such a good idea I may have to tweet this. Tony Winner Back On Broadway!
New York Has A Tony Winner As Mayor. Voters Love A Winner!
Once elected, The Post would have to relent and go with another headline: From Weiner To Winner.
Sports stars, actors, and yes, some politicians have changed their names and enjoyed great success. One of Weiner’s hero’s, Bill Clinton, started life as William Blythe. I can see Weiner thinking and looking in the mirror and saying Tony Winner … Tony Winner … I’m Tony Winner!!!
Weiner, when you read this, just remember the 10% royalties you’ll owe me.
**Ok, I’ve got some breaking news. I’m not saying it’s a scandal but well, you know this guy Phil Goldfeder that was just elected to the Assembly? Did you know his first name’s not Phil? His name on the ballot was listed as Y. Phillip – which is perfect because it won’t be long before we’re asking Y did we elect this guy? Y oh Y.
Y did you promise this? And Y didn’t you deliver? Why Phillip Why?
And Y am I picking on the guy so soon? Well, if I knew his name was Y this column would’ve come before the election. I had an open mind until I heard him advocate so strongly for the return of the commuter tax. He said it was downright outrageous that people from Connecticut and Long Island who come into the city to work don’t pay their share of city taxes. It was terrible that the commuter tax was ever repealed in the first place. Good point.
But, uhm Phil, I mean Y, whatever your name is. Y then were you always so effusive in your praise of Audrey Pheffer? Y Phil, didn’t you know? Hadn’t you heard? Audrey voted to repeal the commuter tax. Her vote was great for everyone but her own constituents. Her vote has cost the city Bb b-billions (and continues to cost us).
In my earlier life as Wave editor, I was told two things by two politicians that have stayed with me. Audrey told me, “We can always get the tax back.” That one still cracks me up. Goldfeder’s other hero, Chucky Boy Schumer, gave me the other one: “if I’m elected, you’ll get your pool.” Whether he meant my pool or the pool at Riis Park, he hasn’t delivered.
Audrey voted to repeal the commuter tax – which steered about $500 million A YEAR away from the city and then would march in protest over the Cross Bay Bridge toll. Her vote helped cost the city billions, yes with a B, and yet she was outraged when the MTA reinstalled the toll. Nice.
So I gotta ask. Y were you so uninformed about Audrey’s voting record? Or Y were you so disingenuous? Don’t answer – you’ll probably write a column in The Wave and act outraged and be re-elected for the next forty years. But then again, who knows. Name scandals can be big. If Weiner’s name was Smith we might still have a skinny quipster as our congressman.
More breaking news: I just found out Bob Turner’s first name is Robert. Jeez, when’s this stuff gonna end?
**Okay, I touted it in the past but it deserves another round of applause. La Joya Restaurant on the Boulevard and Beach 112. Go. Go with low expectation and leave feeling like you’ve made a great discovery. It’s a family run place with Mom doing the cooking. It’s Central American / El Salvadorian fare with plenty of familiar things like quesadillas and tacos. Oh, an added bonus: they have parking in the back. Just went to a party there and everyone had a great time and loved the food.
**The Graybeards are running their annual Blood Drive at St. Francis this Sunday October 3 from 7:30 to 1:30. If you mention this column you get free cookies.
And if you don’t mention it, you get free cookies.
**If you feel like it, you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or you can tweet @boyleing_ points.