One of the benefits I was hoping to get out of Hurricane Irene was the expectation that “Bob Turner for Congress” lawn signs would be transported to Kansas – or maybe Republican presidential front runner lunatic of the week Rick Perry’s Texas where they would be right at home – at least until Perry has the state secede from the nation. If Perry does become the Republican nominee, guess whom your local Congressman, if he is Bob Turner, will support?
Daniel Solomon in his August 19 New Frontiers piece (“Stopping Tea Party Terrorists”) in The Wave did a pretty good number on Turner, pointing to how he will join the Republican obstructionists who want to protect billionaires and corporations that pay little or no taxes (“they’re people too,“ said Mitt Romney, the supposedly only rational candidate) while cutting everything – including Social Security (Perry calls SS a Ponzi scheme) and Medicare – but ignore the really big spending items like defense where the USA spends more than every single nation combined. And how about those ridiculous farm subsidies for stuff like ethanol? Oh, yeah. Iowa decides political stuff so let’s keep tossing money into the pockets of agri-business. Turner claims he won’t cut SS and Medicare but just watch him do what the Tea Party heads of the new Republican Party tell him to do.
Oh, and how about that global warming conspiracy the Republicans love to talk about, especially in Texas where they can chill out as the thermometer tops 100 degrees every day? Is Rick Perry an outbreak of prickly heat? Can’t you feel the upcoming ice age? I was really worried about a glacier hitting my house as the storm of the century whizzed by. Wanna bet we get more than a few storms of the century as we buy beachfront property – in Pittsburgh.
Oh, you think our local version of the Tea Party is not part of the lunatic fringe of the Republican Party – oh, excuse me, no longer a fringe – the Tea Party IS the Republican Party. Fringe turns the whole buggy.
Not one of the leading Republican candidates believes in evolution. It’s just a theory you know. Like the theory the earth is round. Turner wants intelligent design taught in the schools. And flat earth theory – I still can’t figure out why we don’t fall off if the earth is really round. And how about the sun revolving around the earth? “The debate is important to define our underlying principles that come from our creator and not from man,” said Turner. For some reason I don’t think I share the same creator with Turner. Or the same principles.
Excuse me – what did you say? This is an education column so I should get out of politics, stuff I clearly don’t know anything about? OK. Did I hear Bob Turner wants to abolish the US Department of Education headed by Obama slug Arne Duncan? Hmmm. I despise Duncan, who helped run the Chicago school system into the ground before being tapped by Obama to do the same to the rest of the nation. How delicious to see Obama buddy and now mayor of Chicago Rahm Emanuel trashing the 16-year-old Chicago mayoral controlled school system as being one of the worst in the nation? But I digress. I’m not talking about idiot Democrats – not yet.
Did you notice that one of the few areas of Obama’s program not criticized by most Republicans is his education program? And what can Turner be critical of since Obama out-Bushed George Bush on ed deform? Of course Turner has to be a school privatizer and supporter of “choice” – as long as choice leads to public funds flowing into private hands.
Republicans always want to remove any oversight over education so they can take us back to those wonderful days of late 19th century “separate but equal” of Plessey vs. Ferguson – or maybe even to pre-Civil War days when we had all those happy singin’ ‘n dancin’ slaves who didn’t need no public education. Not that I’m saying Bob Turner would own slaves if he could. Besides, I don’t think they grow cotton in Breezy Point.
Can I talk about the Democrats now? David Weprin, who, according to some reports as I write this, ducked out of a debate with Turner? Oh, God! You mean the guy who was chosen to run by three people, one of whom was Geraldine Chapey – which one I don’t know – aren’t there four of them? The guy who comes from generations of politicians? Well, at least he wasn’t endorsed by Ed Koch, like Turner was. My head is hurting. I’m starting to miss Weiner’s weiner.
Wait a minute. There’s another candidate. A real socialist. Not the Obama socialist (who has outcapitalisted George Bush in so many areas) the Republicans created out of myth. Christopher Hoeppner is his name and he is calling for workers to break with the two capitalist parties. Sounds good to me. Am I throwing away my vote? If I were the tie-breaking vote would I vote against Turner? I’m thinking of all the fun I can have writing columns about our very own Tea Party guy and watch him jump through hoops supporting the program – and campaigning for and with whatever loon the Republicans choose to run. But then again .....