2011-06-10 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

Commentary by Marilyn Gelfand

We create our own suffering very often. We get upset when things don’t go our own way, when we don’t get what we want, when life goes awry or when we get too attached to certain people or outcomes.

You may find yourself in competition over something and you yourself may not be very competitive. The other person is always watching you and trying to do one better. The next thing you know, you are caught up in this game. It is not necessary, whether it is for the love of another or the display of selfworth for example.

What can be done instead is that I can say to myself, I can be here freely. I can enjoy the other’s company when we are together and let the others do what they need to. This way I also give myself the freedom to enjoy many different people. When it comes to family members it becomes difficult if some are not team players, but need to prove their own superiority. I can just take myself out of the running and say I know what I can do and I don’t need anyone else’s acclaim. If you feel a pain in your heart, you can ask yourself if you are attached to someone or something instead of just loving freely. It is more fun to have someone love us out of freedom rather than intimidation or fear or guilt.

When we give ourselves and those we love freedom to be themselves, life can be really more fun. It may feel risky because what if they leave or love me less?

Watch the pain leave and realize that is a reward in itself. If someone leaves, it just makes room for someone else who may be better for you. We have to trust in our own instincts to lead us to inner happiness.

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