2011-03-04 / Columnists

Boyle-ing Points

Vote, Laugh, Pray
Commentary By Kevin Boyle

The Board of Elections finally got around to sending me election results. Believe me, it’s not easy getting free, public information.

Anyway, dedicated readers (aka people with too much time on their hands) will remember that I ran for Congress last November. It was a write-in campaign that was launched 48 hours before the polls opened. Despite the late start and my refusal to accept bribes (how dumb!) I surprised the experts and naysayers with an eyebrow raising showing. Okay, I was no match for the establishment choices of Weiner and Turner but still, I got enough votes to justify today’s column.

Although the congressional race played out as expected, things really got interesting elsewhere in the ballot box. Although I did not run, and would not serve, for Governor, I did get some votes. In fact, I doubled the votes of Eric Ulrich. I don’t know if he was trying to do a sneak run for the governorship but somehow the City Councilman got a vote to move to Albany. Eric, did you vote for yourself? Or was someone trying to vote you out of Queens?

Now, before you think I’m too full of myself, I gotta confess. I beat Eric Ulrich for governor but I only got the same amount of votes as Bozo the Clown and was well behind Mickey Mouse. Seriously. A lot of voters went to the booth and actually wrote in Mickey Mouse. And he didn’t campaign at all. Still, at least I beat Homey the Clown – who did have one of the better campaign slogans: Homey Don’t Play. Newcomer and potential powerhouse Kevin Ward tied former candidate Rick Lazio.

The race for Judge of the Civil Court was the most hotly contested. Someone wrote in “My Dog.” Which I’m counting as a vote for me. I figure it was a term of endearment as in “Yo, that Kevin Boyle, he’s my dog!”

Voters wanted a wide variety of candidates to wear the robes. Among those getting write-in votes were Lew Simon, Don Imus, Mickey Mouse (again!), Jonathan Gaska, Ray Vann, Vivian Carter, and Anderson Cooper. Not a single vote for Judge Judy.

In the state senator race, Mickey Mouse (the damn mouse!) beat Steve Stathis and Marty Markowitz.

Now with all the rumors about Audrey Pheffer stepping down and the eventual need for a special election, I think we should examine the last Assembly race before assuming the usual suspects are the only ones in the mix. In November’s race, someone voted for “Mama” and I’m counting that as a vote for me. I’ve often heard someone shout, “Yo Boyle, yo mama!” Enough other voters typed in my name to make me think I better start looking for that oceanfront property in Albany. Not that I can count on coasting in. Lew Simon got a vote in this race, too.

So I’m encouraged. I’ll be spending the time between now and the special election trying to figure out what an assemblyperson does. And then I’ll meet with the Mickey Mouse people about getting an endorsement.

But things can get complicated. If I run that means I’ll have to march in the Paddy’s Day parade – because that’s what politicians do. But how am I supposed to boo Bloomberg from the sidelines if I’m walking?

Boyle-ing Points: Kudos to Joan Mettler and John Baxter for landing backdoor columns in The Wave. Their Bag of Mail entries are a lot more reliable than Boyle-ing Points. Though they might think of breaking some of the letters into chapters. ***Janet Deering’s Christmas card arrived just in time for Ground Hog’s Day. Neither rain nor snow, nor sleet nor dark of night stopped this card. Though apparently all those elements tried. ***Looks like there might be a new landmark in Rockaway. The huge sinkhole – or the next one that happens – might be a permanent part of Beach Channel Drive. According to Congressman Weiner there are “many overlapping jurisdictions” regarding the bay wall. The DOT, the EPA, the Parks, The Board of Ed(!), and who knows probably the KGB and the CYO. According to Weiner a plan of action will be implemented once jurisdiction is established. Oh, boy.

The parade route should’ve been moved to Beach Channel Drive. Then it would be fixed (like the potholes on Newport Avenue that suddenly get fixed before Bloomberg marches).

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