Okay, the holiday cards are now counted. And every year it gets easier. There are fewer to count because sadly most people have just stopped bothering with me. And it hurts. I’m telling everybody now—all 100,000 Wave readers, it hurts. I mean, every day, for the past few weeks, I hurried out to the mailbox hoping to find some red envelopes from long time friends. Instead all I got was a business card from some guy named Muhammad who does brick work and masonry.
For years, friends have called me Scrooge and the Grinch Who Stole Entire
Seasons. It’s true, I’ve never decked the halls with boughs of holly. First of all, I wouldn’t know how to deck a hall (though maybe the guy who does masonry would). And if I did know how to deck a hall I couldn’t tell you what a bough of holly was. As far as holiday clothes, I usually don sweat pants instead of gay apparel (though there’s nothing wrong with that). Fa-la-la-lala.
I wouldn’t know how to troll a yuletide carol if I was a garden gnome. For that matter, I don’t know what a yuletide is (maybe I’ll ask the guys at Boarders surf shop. Man, the yuletide was gnarly yesterday…)
Point is, I’ve always been a Christmas misfit. But that didn’t stop friends from always sending me cards – maybe hoping to turn me to the bright side.
They’d often sent pictures of their kids and sometimes with summaries of the past year.
The summaries were like long versions of those bumper stickers, My Child is an Honor Student at PS whatever. Or My Child was Student of the Hour Once. I liked reading the good news and then yelling at my rotten kids – you should be like the so-and-so kids!
I’m sad to say, I’m now the Maytag Repair Man of Christmas, the loneliest guy in town. The mailman sails right past. What kills me is, the complete abandonment of tradition here. I’ve never sent cards. My friends know that. I’ve been true to the tradition. They’re the ones who’ve changed. And don’t tell me e-cards count. That’s just spam.
Ya know, I might just surprise people and start a new tradition. Maybe I’ll send cards next year...Nah. ***Boyle-ing Points: Well, now you know for sure Bloomberg’s not gonna run for a fourth term. During snow storms in previous years, he was on TV every two hours acting like General Patton. This time, he was John Lindsay. ***There are various martial arts schools in the area and I’m sure they’re all good. But I’ve got to give a direct shout out to Stewart and Laurel Carroll who run Renzo Gracie Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu at 108-13 Rockaway Beach Drive (Tucked behind Dalton’s Seafood and across from Tubridy’s building on Beach 109). They run a great thing for kids 13 and up and adults, too. Great workout, nice people. Don’t be shy. Check it out. ***Speaking of Boarders, I was, a few paragraphs ago…Steve Stathis and Boarders Surf Shop got some great ink in the Wall Street Journal about winter surfing. The Journal’s kind of a strange place for a surf piece but good pub is good pub. Just warning you though, if you see wetsuits with pinstripes you can thank the Journal. And, by the way, if you forgot somebody for Christmas the shop on Beach 92nd is open through January. ***Speaking of Steve Stathis – He’s this year’s honoree at the Graybeard Dinner Dance to be held Saturday, January 29 at the El Caribe. Steve’s the one and only president of The Graybeards and has been the main reason the organization has flourished for nearly ten years. If you’re a Graybeard, a supporter of the Graybeards, or even a person unfamiliar with the Graybeards but enjoy a great night out —- get your tickets now. Just call the Graybeard office at 718-634-6812 and secure a ticket(s) to this fun and worthwhile event. Happy New Year!