2010-10-29 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

Commentary by Marilyn Gelfand

There is no controlling or accounting for the way other people see us when they look at us. We also may look at someone and see something in that person that a third person may see as the opposite. It can get confusing and you may doubt your own perception. It is important to trust our own instincts and not rely on external displays of emotion or actions. If someone is acting in a certain way to us and differently to another, it is important to realize that.

I love this quote by Irving Becker:

“If you don’t like someone, the way he holds his spoon will make you furious; if you do like him, he can turn his plate over in your lap and you won’t mind.”

We may be shown different sides of a person if the other likes or doesn’t like us.

We also react harshly sometimes if there is stress in our lives unrelated to the person we are with. We just may be short-tempered. So how can you tell who someone really is?

It is important to remain balanced in our own energy and safely protected in a bubble of protection around us. Our hearts can always be open and filled with a loving energy. What someone else chooses to do or not do is up to that other person. In the meantime, we must trust our own instincts and be in the moment. We must be certain that we do not allow another person to control our energy through intimidation or guilt. If another person makes us doubt ourselves, we are open to be under the sway of that person’s energy. Remember to trust in yourself and allow the future to unfold each day.

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