2010-10-29 / Columnists

From The Artists Studio

All, Knows All, Repeats Nothing
Commentary by Susan Hartenstein

Halloween 2009. Photo courtesy of Arthur Skowron. Halloween 2009. Photo courtesy of Arthur Skowron. Oh dear folk of Rockaway, did you think that just because you had not heard the hoof beats of her steadfast steed, Horse de Culture, that Madam Rayah had forgotten about you? Nay, Nay! She is ever on the job; ever vigilant; ever on the watch for those fiendish fools who, each and every year

coincidentally at Halloween) attack your underbelly by invading the artsyfartsy spaces of sTudio 7 at Fort Tilden, materializing in one hellish manifestation or another.

Just in time to warn you of their onslaught (and the onslaughter to follow), Rayah strides up, crystal balls swinging, to connect the dots in her globes (no, they’re not those darned floaters in the vitreous fluid) to draw for you the picture of the horrors that will befall you, should you not heed her words.

Here’s the scoop straight from the images in The Madam’s crystal balls. Friday, October 29, Saturday, October 30 and Sunday, October 31 from 6-9 p.m. the good people of the Rockaway Artists Alliance will have their otherwise gracious gallery kidnapped by art-hating, culture-consuming ghouls and monsters masquerading as the gentle characters from the Brothers Grimm and other otherwise benevolent fairy tale characters.

Can you imagine casting the Wicked Witch of the West in a bad light? Why, green was my sainted mother’s favorite color. Her Flying Monkeys fly rescue missions out of B-movie sci-fi films. The Big, Bad Wolf was … well … just a teddy bear. But beware of the treat or trickery.

These loathsome imposters are there to sucker the unsuspecting, innocent children of our beloved peninsula and their parents into the mazes and poison sumacs of their Bloody Black Forest with the worst of intentions. Oh, dare I even use the words? Yes, they are there to ensnare the tender flesh of these good folk in the webs of death hidden within the walls of the artists’ retreat, sTudio 7 Gallery.

Little Dead Riding Hood carries in her basket not goodies for Grandma, but goodies that ARE Grandma. Goldilox and the Three Zombie Bagels With Everything – well, you can imagine of what the ‘Everything’ is composed.

When Jack and Jill climbed up the hill to fetch the pail of water, and Jack fell down and broke his crown, who do you think pushed him? And she stands there, lurking in the shadows of the sycamores, to push you down, too.

When Rapunzel lets down her Golden Hair, beware – DON’T TAKE IT! For it will pull you into the bowels of a follicle-filled inferno. Oh, the horrors! Talk about a bad hair day!

Speaking of which, don’t climb that beanstalk to which Jack will invite you. What do you think awaits you at the top? The worst thing you can imagine, that’s what. And what do you think that blowhard Wolf has done to the three unsuspecting little pigs? Well, the same grizzly, hellish fate awaits YOU!

Don’t even try to take shelter – especially not in the brick house (which was used for location shooting in “The Amityville Horror”). Oh, the crying, screaming terror of it all! And there’s more!

So there you have it, my friends. Straight from the trusty, truth-telling crystal globes of RAA’s own awardwinning sayer of sooth, Medium Rayah, to the ears of this kind yet brilliant journalist. Has she ever let you down before? Hasn’t everything she’s ever predicted come to pass (never mind those tips to buy AIG)? Well haven’t they?

So take heed now. If you value your lives and tender bodies, LISTEN TO RAYAH! Do not, under any circumstances, go to Fort Tilden’s sTudio 7 Gallery (building T-7) and environs on the nights of Friday, October 29, Saturday, October 30 and Sunday, October 31 from 6 to 9 p.m. The Fiends of Halloween have even put out advertising to make you think you will have an interactive, frighteningly family fun three nights of “Grimm and Scary Tales.” DON’T BELIEVE IT. But remember, if you do go, the kind Madam advises you to wear comfortable shoes (for running away from the blood-curdling zombies, etc.) And think twice about bringing very young children who might become a little too frightened.

As always, Well done Medium Rayah!

Special note: Do not miss RTC’s “Rockaway CafĂ©” in its final weekend. It is fantastic!

RAA CONTACT INFO:

Phone: 718-474-0861; Fax: 718-474- 4373; e-mail: info@raa116.org; website: www.rockawayartistsalliance.org.

kidsmART corner kidsmART After-School Program at T-149 in Fort Tilden is open. Hours: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday from 3-5:45 p.m. If interested, call the office or just come up to the fort during hours.

Fort Tilden Highlights

INKSPLASH: Printmaking exhibition on view through Nov. 7 in sTudio 6, RoCA at Fort Tilden.Gallery hours: Sat. and Sun. 12-4 p.m. and by appointment. Free admission to exhibit and special events.

GRIMM AND SCARY TALES: Halloween extravaganza. Fri., Oct. 29-Sun., Oct 31, 6-9 p.m. in sTudio 7. See column.

NEXT RAA GENERAL MEETING: Mon., Nov. 8, 7:30 p.m. in sTudio 7, RoCA at Fort Tilden. Board of directors nominations.

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