2009-07-24 / Columnists

It's My Turn

Sarah, We Hardly Knew Ye
By Joan Mettler

Sarah Palin has left the glare of the media lights for the time being, leaving her supporters out in the cold. If her attractors are in the cold, where exactly is Sarah? Moreover, who is Sarah Palin and who are her attractors?

Envision a group photograph of all of your female friends. She's the prettiest one. She loves to chat and would be fun to meet over a diet Coke at the mall. If you watch her on television, she could easily be welcomed in your living room not only on TV, but live, in person. Many women are attracted to her because she seems to be friendly and approachable. She was proud of her family and her hobbies, the latter bringing out the slightest bit of tomboy in her. She is always well groomed and her make-up is perfection. Her former position as governor attracted women who are attracted to power. As governor, many of her female supporters thought her natural next step up the political ladder was either president or vice president

Men found her attractive and were attracted to her style. Many would probably want to meet her, not necessarily at the mall and not necessarily for a soft drink. The men who promoted her as the vice presidential candidate promoted her as the everywoman or 'hockey mom' hoping to garner the female vote. They saw an opening when Hillary was defeated in the primary to pick up the dismayed women's vote. Her promoters told her to bring her family along on the campaign trail warts and all to attract the family vote. They promoted her gun comfort to capture the N.R.A. vote. Sarah had grand scale appeal, they thought. But, to polish the package, to educate Sarah in the ways of the media that was not Alaska (American and world politics), they dropped the ball.

Sarah's vice presidential campaign gurus gave her talking points, but neglected to explain them to the depth that was needed to satisfy media interviewers. She oft-times appeared stunned when asked a poignant question about U.S. and world problems which gave the media a ton of grist for their unforgiving mill. One felt sorry for her when she failed time after time to comport herself in the style of a future president. But, in all fairness, she did not appear to improve upon her knowledge or lack of it during the course of the campaign. To say she lacked the curiosity to be head of state or a heart beat away from it, would be fair.

In all honesty, Condoleeza Rice, Madeline Albright and Hillary Clinton were and are three women who one could easily see as U.S. President making difficult decisions and articulating with foreign dignitaries. Seriously, Sarah Palin couldn't hold their jocks. And, if Sarah's attractors looked upon her as a refreshing alternative to the Madeline's, the Hillary's and the Condoleeza's, it was the office of the vice president of the United States she was running for not the vice presidency of Mary Kay.

That Palin quit her job failing to fulfill her term in office, for whatever the convoluted reason, is a miserable blotch on her resume especially when one projects that to the offices of president or vice president of our country.

Winners never quit and quitters never win.) This unexpected departure cannot portend well for her political future. But, don't be surprised when she rakes in the bucks starting with her reality show. Not only won't talking points and in-depth explanations be an issue, reality TV will represent a situation where she and her family will shine.

In addition to a reality show, Sarah is prime beef in the voracious land of merchandising. Let us take an imaginary futuristic trip into merchandising land to explore $arah's economic opportunities:

We begin with the $arah Palin bobblehead doll. It fits neatly on the dashboard of your pick-up so you'll never forget her. Next we have

arah's Magic Make-up Kit. It comes with everything from liner to lipstick plus there's a tiny stylist in there, too. Then there's Chatty $arah, a doll that can be programmed in two voices, $arah's and Tina Fey's. $arah Dress-up is unique in that the doll's packaging includes a ticket to Wasilla for an in-person visit to her favorite consignment shop. $arah's Shot Guns and Rifles can be bought off the shelf at Mall-Mart with proper I.D. within the appropriate waiting period. $arah's Side Arms, a subsidiary of her Shot Gun and Rifle Company will come with pink and red pearl handles.

Let us not forget $arah's Eye Glass Line where any buyer will be able to see the world as $arah sees it. $arah's Eye Glasses will be available on line and in $arah's $alon where you should not forget to pick up Piper's Pommade, nothing beats it on a windy day.

Saving the best for last is $arah's $urprise, a doll in the form of a pig. Once the owner applies lipstick to it, a pit bull comes out of its mouth.

What is Sarah's future? One thing for sure is she will not keep whatever she decides secret for long. Sarah fans do not despair.

She will be back.

She has to come back because she assured us recently she doesn't even know the meaning of the word, quit.

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