2008-06-13 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

Commentary by Marilyn Gelfand

If we react to something, we are creating an emotion. The bigger the reaction, the bigger is the emotion with which we surround ourselves.

When our emotions are so large, it is almost impossible to see what the reality is if we have not gotten what we expect or want. We are so encased in ourselves, that the real reality may be something totally different.

It is what it is. That is a good expression about reality. It tells us we should be focusing on the reality, not our reaction to it. As much as possible, we want to see what is really there, not what we wanted, hoped for or are disappointed in. If we acknowledge our emotion, and then realize that we can release it, we can cleanse our energy through deep breathing. Then we can see what is going on and perhaps understand why.

Oftentimes, when we don't get what we want, we get very upset and attribute wrong reasons for why the reality is the way it is. The more we can detach from our own feelings, the clearer our vision of what the reality is.

For example, a young girl may be waiting for a young man to take her to a special place for her birthday. He may have been brought up to celebrate a birthday with just giftgiving. He will think he is appropriate and thoughtful with a gift. The young lady will say the gift is nice, but will be disappointed and think he doesn't really care about her since she is used to going out for birthdays. He will see a coolness and think she isn't very nice since he bought her such a nice gift. The underlying thought that they both like each other, can be lost in the expectations to which we are accustomed/ Communication is so important.. especially when it can be done with kindness, not our angry reaction.

It is difficult, but it is what it is.

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