2008-04-04 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

Commentary by Marilyn Gelfand

Relationships are sometimes emotional roller coasters of ups and downs.

Someone says something or looks a certain way and then judgments follow. There has to be a way to have peace and balance through the ups and downs of life, and that is expecting that life has both ups and downs together as a natural part of existence. Life is bitter and sweet simultaneously. Sometimes we get more of one than the other, but it is always there. Accepting this can bring us peace. Peace and patience sometimes go hand in hand. If we are okay with waiting for something, then we can feel peaceful about it. But a lack of peace can be caused by a variety of reasons.

Sometimes a fear of the unknown doesn't permit us to have the patience that is necessary to allow people to express themselves as they like or events to unfold as they must. We can become very short-tempered with someone relating a story or personal situation. We want to know what will happen in the future, and we want to know it now. A girl waiting for a boy to call can drive herself crazy waiting for the phone to ring. Time can feel as if it slowed down to years in every minute.

Instead of this thought, it is so much better to trust in the process, and have the patience to realize that we trust in God/Universe so much, that we can wait for things to happen. We have to trust that the right person for me will materialize and if this guy is a possibility, he will call. Sometimes things must be put into place or we must learn something first to get the right result. The old expression "Be careful what you wish for" points out that more learning must be done to understand all the pieces together. With the trust in the process, comes the patience.

People often get impatient when others choose to do things their way.

It is hard for a couple of parents who may have different attitudes about child rearing, or how another couple should spend their retirement.

Others have their reasons for choosing to do it their way. Acompassionate person can have the patience to try to understand why it must be done the way the other chooses. Since it involves another's life, we have to let go, and try to see where he is coming from. We still may not agree, but with patience and openness we can accept it.

When our insecurities get triggered, it may cause a lack of patience as well. If I can't live without a phone call from my child, for example, I'll go crazy if I don't get the call. I won't feel good inside until the time comes when I have spoken to my child. Our insecurities play havoc with our patience. We just want our security back with the false thought that we are safe if we get what we want. It is only temporary and then the process starts again the following week or whatever the time period.

If we can keep the balance, it is always good to have patience to let people be themselves.

If our trust is there, the peace should follow.

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