2007-10-19 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

Commentary by Marilyn Gelfand

Do you know what your priorities are?

Do you sweat the small stuff and hope the big stuff goes away?

People look at situations differently and then create impressions of other people through the way they approach decisions or choices in life.

We may think that our own way is the right way, and the way of others is very foolish since we didn't choose it.

We make decisions and then formulate opinions based on our own lens of perception.

When we are with others who think differently, they may pick up on our lack of empathy for their choices.

What many people want in relationships is connection with others.

The way to do this is through acknowledging what the other is saying.

We may or may not agree with their position, but we can understand why they might choose it.

Often when people complain, we think that they are in need of solutions.

When we offer the possible answers to their problems, we get taken aback that they are not interested in what we have offered as help.

We start thinking that the other has just wasted my time, and I should remember to never do this again.

When we can get to know someone, we can tell if that person is just trying to put together his own approach by bouncing his feelings and thoughts off other people.

If we are with the same person over and over again, we can tell if that person is just looking for sympathy or an opportunity to vent, rather than a solution to the problem. It is important to remember that our approach towards connection varies with each individual. People are looking for different ways to connect.

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