2007-08-24 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

Commentary by Marilyn Gelfand

Peace and patience sometimes go hand in hand. If we are okay with waiting for something, then we can feel peaceful about it. But a lack of peace can be caused by a variety of reasons.

Sometimes a fear of the unknown doesn't permit us to have the patience that is necessary to allow events to unfold as they must. When I was young, I always had to read the last page of a book first so that I could know what would happen to the characters. I couldn't bear going through all the twists and turns, and then only to find out that the character I liked died in the end, anyway. In life it can be the same. We want to know what will happen in the future, and we want to know it now. Instead of this thought, it is so much better to trust in the process, and have the patience to realize that we trust in God/Universe so much, that we can wait for things to happen. Sometimes things must be put into place or we must learn something first to get the right result. The old expression "Be careful what you wish for" points out that more learning must be done to understand all the pieces together. With the trust in the process, comes the patience.

People often get impatient when others choose to do things their way.

We know it would be so much better to do it another way, and we lose patience as we allow others to do it in a way that seems silly to us. Others have their reasons for choosing to do it their way. Acompassionate person can have the patience to try to understand why it must be done the way the other chooses. Since it involves another's life, we have to let go, and try to see where he is coming from. We still may not agree, but with patience and openness, we can accept it.

When our insecurities are triggered, it may cause a lack of patience, as well. If I can't live without a boyfriend, for example, I'll go crazy if I don't have one. I won't feel good about myself until the time comes when I have a boyfriend. Our insecurities play havoc with our patience. We just want our security back, with the false thought that, "I am safe if I get what I want." Patience to find the right boy takes strength in this case and allows time to bring in a variety, so that the right one can be spotted. Having a boyfriend is not as good as finding the right one for me. That requires patience.

It is always good to have patience when needed. If our trust is there, the peace should follow.

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