2007-08-10 / Letters

Lauer Needs Dunking

Dear Editor,

Back in September of 2006, Matt Lauer asked Pres. Bush if "we weren't becoming like Al Qaeda?" because we waterboarded some of the top Al Qaeda guys, including KSM.

I was blown away by his question. The answer for me was an emphatic "no."

How can anyone compare a bloodthirsty murderer like KSM to an American who forces a bloodthirsty murderer to inhale some water??

At the time, I sent Matt a letter to which he never replied. `But today ... I got my chance at confronting him on this. `I was walking south on Park Ave, having just passed 59 Street, at around 1:40 p.m. `The handsome Lauer walks past looking at his PDA or phone or iPod dressed in a cool sports shirt and shorts. He seemed to be on a power walk or cooling down from a run. After he passed me I remembered, "aren't we becoming like Al Qaeda?" and that's when my soul lit up knowing my puny middle-class mind was about to go toe-to-toe with America's most darling morning news face. I had just come off surviving an encounter with Bison in Yellowstone ... Matt Lauer is nothing compared to huffing, snorting Bison!

I politely called out his first name and gave him my first name. I immediately reminded him of his Presidential interview and the question that really troubled me. He said he remembered the interview (gee ... I should hope so ... one would think that one would REMEMBER an Interview with ... THE PRESIDENT!) but didn't remember the specific question but remembered the general question (whatever- now that I check my letter to him in Sept. of '06 ... I see that Matt said, "aren't we blurring the line between us and Al Qaeda?") He then tried to defend his question by telling me, "we are a nation of Laws ... we can't fly people to foreign countries so we can torture them." To which I replied, "Matt, we waterboarded KSM! KSM, Matt! You have a problem with this?? We are at war with these vicious killers!" His reply to me, "and that's what Al Qaeda says ... they are at war with us and that's why they fly planes into buildings". It took me a second or two for this porous, and poor comparison to register as such in my puny mind and just as I was about to reply some guy walks by and Matt and this guy greet each other. Matt tells me ... "this is the guy you want to ask this question .. he's from the Council on Foreign Relations" (the guy was Richard

Haas, President

of the Council on Foreign Relations). So these two guys start talking and Matt walks away with him. But I was not about to let sexy Matt get away so easy. I walk back over to these fellas, I apologize for interrupting, and I tell Matt, "Matt, waterboarding these guys doesn't compare to what these guys do to innocents. It wouldn't be Level 1 in the Al Qaeda book of torture" (which exists, by the way.) The Foreign Relations guy smirked and Matt said "we have to question ourselves" to which I replied ... "we do Matt, we do".

That's it. I guess he doesn't get it. But I stood toe-to-toe with the pretty boy for a minute (or less). I confess that I would LOVE to dunk Matt in a pool (not waterboard, of course). No, no. Just dunk him and hold him down until he starts to squirm. In a friendly way, you know! The way us older brothers used to do with our younger brothers.


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