2007-07-27 / Sports

Belle Harbor Yacht Club Softball Challenge Recap

By Alan Shaw

With regard to the recently completed Belle Harbor Yacht Club Softball Challenge, demands for a re-match have fallen on deaf ears. The Rockaway "Bay" team refuses the rematch and will enjoy their championship for the entire 2007 summer (and winter) season.

The few Rockaway "Bay" championship hats left over sold quickly. Kevin "Jeter" Cregan's autograph session during his block party was a big hit. Plenty of Rockaway "Beach" hats are still available.

The Progress report on John "New Nose" McCabe ... is that he is in stable condition at Peninsula Hospital. He left the hospital after the softball accident in fair condition, only to get knocked unconscious with a hockey puck while cheering for his son during an Aviator hockey game. McCabe is expected to sit alone at his daughter's basketball game this weekend.

Reporters flocked to Mark "Vertebrae" Kuhlmann's locker after rumors circulated he'll pitch at the Morgan Stanley company picnic. When asked about his resurgent career, Kuhlmann deferred all credit to the nursing staff at Peninsula Hospital. Head nurse Kris McCann supplied Kuhlmann with new footwear called "crocs". Supposedly, they're responsible for his great performance off the disabled list. "Crocs" are now the new supplier for women's softball everywhere. Men's softball leagues (and men in general) are waiting for the "nursing staff" study to be completed before endorsing this product.

Ebay has a few new listings: a Brown Wilson right-handed glove, a right-foot sneaker, a yellow bat called "Mizuno Blur", the game ball and a Franchocksigned Rockaway "Beach" hat. You can save shipping and handling if picked up at the Franchock house somewhere near the "Beach". Little Billy Collins called The Wave office last weekend to correct an error in my previous article. His daddy, Billy Collins Sr., hit in the go-ahead runs with a double, to put the Rockaway "Bay" team in the lead. Sorry for the error, little Billy. The tiebreaker was to be determined by the team cooler's weight at the END of regulation play, only in case of a tie. Rob Schmitt was hoping for a closer game or was misinformed; not sure.

Steve Gifford would like home-field advantage next year. He proposes that the game be played in February on Beach 127, after each player takes a dip in the Rockaway Plunge. Steve "Are you kidding me?" Efron refused to eat the catered meal in the players' lounge citing "conflict of interest". He said, "But if the game was to be played in New Jersey, there wouldn't be a problem, if you know what I mean."

Beware "Beach" team: Kevin Barrett is trying to make a trade by sending Kenny "Longball" Collins for Nick Swisher, a set of educational books, anyone on his bench and a second round pick in the upcoming fantasy football draft.

George Clark's softball status next year is "up in the air" since he refused to sign the mandatory BHYC liability acceptance contract. Clark stated, "I know what goes on at the BHYC and am not taking responsibility if Cregan attempts to use the front stairs again".

The votes are in and the women have spoken! Dan "Centerfold" Collins has been named "Softball Guy" of the Year. In the next article, Collins will appear, posing on third base, wearing only his trademark visor. Congrats Dan!

Did someone clone Jim McCool? He's been spotted playing Graybeards basketball, BHYC softball and Rockaway Beach volleyball, while hosting a Wounded Warrior event, all at the same time. Ellen "Longball-In-Law" Collins was seen posting signs across Rockaway: Lost: brown baseball glove, answers to the name "Wilson", reward if found.

My next project: As the BHYC Turns: An in-depth look at Rockaway's #1 social scene. Upcoming articles: "Dancing" with Pam Collins, "Coed Tennis" with Jack Frain, "Yacht Club Ghosts" with Jack Rafferty and "How to Sell a 50/50 raffle" with Nancy Cregan.

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