2005-04-08 / Columnists

The Inner Voice by Marilyn Gelfand

One of the most important ideas to remember is that life does not go

the way I assumed it would. 

People do not necessarily think the way I do, and there is no substitute for trying to understand why someone feels the way he does even if I don’t understand it at all. If I care about an individual, it may be necessary to say that I hear what you aresaying. If it is a dangerous person, it may be necessary to take

action. Usually our instincts give clues, but we may not want to take

the time and trouble or open ourselves up enough to get there.  

We all form scripts of how we expect or would like life to be. This is fine, as long as we realize that life may not go that way, other people

have ideas that differ with us, or change occurs often rapidly. Things rarely stay the same. There used to be an expression that older peoplebecome set in their ways. I see that many people become set in theirways, not just old people, and then live life as though this is the only way. Our one assurance is that our own lives will end someday, andwe can appreciate our temporary time on Earth and make it as close to what we envision as we can.

When our script is not met, it may be necessary to mourn for our loss.

We wanted our children to be a certain way and they are not, for example, and it is sometimes as necessary to mourn for our loss of expectation. We must develop our appreciation of life as it is rather than what we wanted. We also must be aware that life sometimes gives us good things that we didn’t even think of. Those are important to not take for granted. The key is to not hold on to my script too closely, but use it only as a blueprint.

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