2004-10-22 / Columnists

From The Artists Studio

Latest photo of the missing Dr. Demento picked up from the intergalactic net …is that Madam Rayah with him? What have they done to her?
Latest photo of the missing Dr. Demento picked up from the intergalactic net …is that Madam Rayah with him? What have they done to her? From an Internet Café deep within the bowels of an intergalactic raiding vessel a brave and beautiful gypsy queen risks her life desperately attempting to get the truth out to a trusting and unsuspecting populace before it is too late.

A familiar-sounding story? Ah yes. How many times in the past has our Medium Rayah felt the schpritz from the tides of disaster long before the rest of us ordinary folk have been flooded by the descending wave? How often has the radiant Rayah put her very existence on the line in order to warn the gentle people of Rockaway that they are in grave danger if they do not heed the soothsayer’s SOS’s? How many times have we sat together like this, me transmitting the words of the vestal visionary, you trying to determine if they are veritable (look it up) or simply vacuous (you can look that one up, too) madness? Seemingly, several.

Remember last year when The Madam was shanghaied by the Pirates of the Scare-ibbean to silence her warning cries? Oh, ye who scoffed; who dismissed her words of wisdom as mad drivel. She was proven correct, was she not? Thanks to MR you were able to stay one step ahead of the villainous buccaneers. Well, this year marauders of the outer and inner spaces have chosen to kidnap Rayah for the same purpose – to prevent the crystal ball gazer from foretelling their dastardly plans to invade the physical and Freudian recesses of our peninsula on the night of October 31 and take it over for their own neurotic megalomania.

How do I know all this, you may well inquire? As always, the resourceful Princess of Palmistry and Doña of Disguises has escaped her captors through a series of false noses and clever ruses to get to a computer to e-mail me to spread the word of the impending doom to save all our lives and minds to keep America safe for democracy. Yes, my friends. Though on a leave of absence from her predicting and advisory duties at the RAA, the always in touch, always tuned-in Madam Rayah couldn’t help but get wind of this newest plot while she was perusing her crystal ball to find a theater showing the latest Pierce Brosnan flick. Well my friends, to make a long story short, what did Rayah discover instead? Rockaway is to be “Alienated!” Fort Tilden is to be invaded on the night of Halloween (why do these invasions always occur then?) by ALIENS. And not just your garden-variety Aliens from other universes. This will be a multifaceted attack. It will also be psychological – as a result of this alienation chaos, and emotional confusion will descend upon the otherwise bucolic park. Two-headed monsters unable to settle arguments between themselves will turn their frustration outward; schisms are to erupt among the three faces of Eve. Not a pretty picture. Oh, the unsettling emotional damage that will ensue. And, as the “History of the World” review books always defined things oh-so-neatly, the “alienvasion” will be political, social, economic and geographic. South American cyclones who have become lost in an unfamiliar hemisphere will not know which way to turn, but will then turn on you; horribly grotesque Euros will become incompatible with American dollars – and take over our markets; scary citizens of Nova Scotia crossing our northern border illegally, will be looking to take away jobs from American workers at smoked fish factories; wan and pale ghouls in the form of rebellious teenagers may demand that their parents recognize their malaise as valid. No one will be safe from being ALIENATED. Yes, good friends, this is the horrific picture The Madam has seen. Be forewarned. Do not, under any circumstances come to Fort Tilden’s Building 1 on the night of October 31 at 5 p.m.. You risk having the happily frightening time of your life.

Once more with grateful hearts we say, “Well done Medium Rayah.”

Rockaway Artists Alliance

by Susan Hartenstein

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