2004-06-18 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

by Marilyn Gelfand

Time heals all wounds they say. Time is a commodity much like money. It can be saved, spent and invested...in a relationship for example. For me, time is so important. We never know how much of it we have if we try to look beyond the present. We have today, and today can be what we choose. We can choose to be a peaceful person going through the tasks of daily life. If things happen that we don’t expect, we may get ruffled, but we can try to let our spirit control our thoughts. So many things that happen are forgotten a week later. As much as possible we must remember our big picture perspective.

The past has served its purpose in bringing us to the present moment. But we can control ourselves in the present. We do not have to keep reliving the past if we can see that there was something to be learned in the past. Often, we come back from our pasts at high school reunions, for example, or we may approach a past time period in a film or book. We can self-assess and decide if we learned what was important from that past experience. More than we realize, we can shut the door on the past if we choose to once the lesson has been learned. There is so much to choose now, so why keep reliving what was painful to us over and over to no avail?

We can let go of martyr or victim roles and take charge. We can be leaders of our own energy in the present. Often just taking back our own control over ourselves can bring peace or fun. For example, let’s say you are frustrated because someone wants to come over but won’t tell you an approximate time. There are things you have to do, but you don’t know when this person will arrive. Instead you can say, I’d like you to come over around 3:00 since I’ve got things to do. If that’s not convenient, let’s make it some other time. Rather than feel guilty that you’re imposing your will on another, you are actually giving him the freedom to choose. If you make another upset because you are being yourself, there is no need to feel guilty. How often is the other person guilty of imposing his will on you? The idea is that you have complete freedom when you can make agreements about time. You can respect your own needs about time.

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