2004-01-16 / Columnists

Boyle-ing Points by Kevin Boyle

Boyle-ing Points by Kevin Boyle

What would we do without the news? I just learned Pete Rose bet on baseball and George Bush was trying to figure out how to get rid of Saddam Hussein before September 11. It hasn’t been reported yet, but I have it on pretty good sources that Michael Jackson had plastic surgery once and Sam Donaldson wears a rug. You just watch, the media will confirm those rumors in a couple of years. In the meantime, they’ve got to chase exclusive photos of the latest Britney Spears 20 minute marriage.

You want real news? How ‘bout this little tidbit: Rockaway will be getting a new pool (no thanks to Chuck "if I’m elected Senator you’ll get your pool" Schumer). A new YMCA will be going up at the site of the Claddagh Inn and it’ll come with a beautiful new pool. Groundbreaking should occur later this year. According to those in the know, there’ll be a regulation size little league field on the site as well. Yeah, I know, there’s probably a list of shady reasons why this news has had trouble finding the light of day, yet. But what the hell—if Rockaway gets a pool who cares if there was shenanigans—it’s the American way. Everybody in the water! (Splinter polar bear groups can speak to the Y about reserving separate lanes).

Anyway, where was I? Oh, a pool. Yep, and weight rooms and classrooms, and all sorts of good stuff.

**Are you with me? Has "24" become totally ridiculous now or what? For two years, "24" was the TV show that had everybody rushing home on Tuesday nights. It was great stuff. But now? Sheesh. This character Nina comes back more often than Cat Woman; Jack’s daughter screws up more things than Gilligan; and the drug subplot has only been done, oh, six million times by now. I hate when they ruin good shows (like Boomtown).

**Local good guys Richie Knott and Frank McCarthy are being honored for community service by The Graybeards at their annual dinner dance held in February. Tables and seats are available.

**As a public service I like to make everyone aware that certain words and phrases have been banished (or they should be) by Lake Superior State University. The school produces a list each year of annoying, useless, overused and/or misu sed verbiage. I think "closure" and "empowerment" are on the list every year—but obviously, to no avail. This year "metrosexual" tops the list (if you’re even worse than me about finding out about things…a metro is an urban male who pays a great deal of attention to appearance. He’s a guy who’d never need a Queer eye because he’s already properly coiffed and tailored). Also on the list are "shock and awe" and "bling" (flashy jewelry)—phrases overused within 5 minutes. Tired phrases: "Shots rang out" and "In harm’s way." And, Lake Superior decided, it ‘s time to rethink "captured alive" (as opposed to captured dead?).

I’d like to add, "Duh." (Getting tired of people saying that to my face). That and "have a nice day." Don’t tell me to have a nice day! I’ll have whatever freakin’ day I want!

**I’ve demonstrated on a weekly basis how I’m no deep thinker but this stuff about going back to the moon and then onto Mars (soon to be heard in the George Bush State of the Union address) makes me wonder—if we’re gonna chase a lofty goal, the big idea —why not pour the huge dollars and manpower space travel will cost into a massive endeavor at developing alternate fuel.

With American know-how and determination, I’m sure we’d find something that would completely free us of Middle East crooks and despots and maybe save the environment.

To top it off, we might find a less expensive—and quicker trip to—oh, say, Mars.

**The Wave editorial about parking was on the money on at least one aspect: keep parking on Rockaway Beach Blvd! The medians are supposed to beautify the area—and they’ll do that. But the plan will backfire if people are forced to pave their front gardens to park their cars (because so much parking will be lost on RBB).

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