2003-12-19 / Columnists

Boyle-ing Points by Kevin Boyle ‘Twas The Nightmare Before Christmas

Boyle-ing Points by Kevin Boyle ‘Twas The Nightmare Before Christmas

Boyle-ing Points by Kevin Boyle
‘Twas The Nightmare Before Christmas

‘Twas the nightmare before Christmas and all thru the Rock the creatures were stirring, some were in shock.

Rumors were swirling, the bad wolf was back, The loud mouth lawyer you’d swear was on crack.

You wanted St. Nick, but you’re getting some Poe.

The Raven’s returned, say it ain’t so.

Apologies are due for this lousy verse, But things on the beach, are about to get worse.

Surely you recall the days of the Raven, She was the maven of civic savin’.

Oh how first she seemed righteous and good, She was the toast of the neighborhood.

But on every matter she made such clatter, She was often confused with the crazy Mad Hatter.

Soon The Raven was ravin’, ravin’ all day long, How everyone else was so utterly wrong.

She burned all her bridges and was left alone, She put up a For Sale sign on her home.

Grudges and heartache she left in her wake, friends and neighbors no longer spake.

Ah, but when the Raven departed, house prices rose, Now why she’s come back, nobody knows.

Among her old foes, there’s a sense of dread, The whispers are loud, they say, off with her head.

We thought she’d left and gone to rot, She’s coming back to stir the pot

But silly me, I think she’s been missed, Where am I now on her enemy’s list?

The beach has been boring, the news is a snooze, We need the Raven, we’ve got nothing to lose.

Ha! They say, Nothing to lose except prosperity and calm.

When she comes back as an atom bomb, But perhaps she’s reformed, mellow and nice, Or maybe for dinner, she’ll serve you dead mice.

Who knows, who knows, which Raven will show, But it might be wise to look out below!

So there the Raven crouches, lurking at our door, When a cause is found, pledge not to join, say out loud

Nevermore!

Boyle-ing Over: Although the ode above signals a decidedly negative development, happy holiday signs abound.

As you may have heard, The Graybeards are raising money to send to volunteer firefighters and families who lost homes in the firestorms that ravaged so much of southern California. Donations can be sent to The Graybeards, 436 B 129 Street, Rocaway, NY 11694. A number of Graybeards will also be making a door-to-door effort, so please be generous. Also, a number of local establishments have put out a "donation boot" so if you stop for a holiday libation, kindly toss something in one of the vintage fire boots. Rockaway was the recipient of the kindness of strangers just a couple of years back. This drive by the Graybeards allows the Rockaway community to show its gratitude. A number of active and retired firefighters are driving the drive — please help if you can.

Also, they’ll be doing some door-to-door collection — if you miss them or they miss you— just drop off or mail the donation to the Graybeard office listed above.

**When we were kids, haircuts used to cost $2 and we’d never get them. Now they cost at least $10 and kids want them every three days. Kids today. So well groomed, it’s disgusting.

**Yankee fans remain in a deep funk in the aftermath of the Houston Astro’s signing of Andy Pettitte. This off-season smells a lot like the days of Jack Clark, Jesse Barfield, and Ron Kittle. Smells like the time is ripe for another comeback of Darryl Strawberry and Doc Gooden. Watch out, Joe Torre. Rumors are that Steinbrenner is going to bring back Billy Martin.

**Speaking of troubled franchises. Ever catch a Nets game on TV? Pro basketball is usually an awful thing to watch but the Nets are generally entertaining. But they can’t draw any fans. You turn on the TV and see about two thousand fans in the 20 thousand seat arena. Instead of wondering why they don’t draw, I wonder what the hell are those two thousand people doing there? Stay home, watch the game on TV. The cheap seats are — I don’t know — $35. So you’re gonna pay for parking, mediocre seats, a small fortune on a hot dog and soda for a game in the middle of December that means nothing?

In the swamps of New Jersey? What are those people doing there!

Same for the Knicks. I see people at the games. Are there that many people who actually pay money to see the Knicks? What’s that about?

**Are they sure that was Saddam Hussein? I could swear I saw that guy interviewed many times on the John Baxter cable show.

**Happy birthday, Marian Dunn.

*Don’t forget to tip the postal guys, the sanit guys, and delivery people. One you can give a tip to and ask for a tip in return (that’s an inside joke — only a couple thousand people will get it).

**Happy holidays!


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