2003-11-07 / Columnists

Boyle-ing Points by Kevin Boyle

Sunnyside Up
Boyle-ing Points by Kevin Boyle Sunnyside Up

Now, that’s my kind of Halloween. Quiet. (It might have had something to do with taking the batteries out of my battery-operated doorbell and sitting in the dark in the basement but from what I hear, my cowardice was unwarranted). Seems mischief (egging in particular) was kept to a minimum. (Though now some knuckleheads old enough to drive were seen jumping out of their cars to launch eggs at law-abiding teenagers). Local police and vigilant parents are to be commended.

A certain crafty package deliveryman hatched what seemed to be an ingenious idea. Like all professional drivers of trucks and buses he looked forward to Halloween as a trip to a dentist who’d just run out of novacaine. Ah, but, our local delivery man is nothing if not a clever on-the-ball entrepreneur. On the previous night, he bought a few hundred dozen eggs, emptying the shelves of food stores everywhere in Rockaway. His plan? Scalp the eggs on Friday. Anybody who’s ever been to a pro sports game has heard the professional ticket scalper—Who’s got tickets, who’s got tickets?—so picture your favorite delivery man: who’s got eggs? who’s got eggs? Extra-Large, Grade A, right here. He figured the young rascals in the neighborhood were gonna get eggs one way or the other and if he and his truck were going to be targets––well, he might as well make a business out of it. They’re gonna egg him, well, they’ll be throwing dollars bills at him, too. The more eggs, the more profit. Bring it on.

Turns out, the would-be teen terrorists were scared off from reports that the police wouldn’t hesitate to haul their butts to the station. So the yoke was on our favorite delivery man. You can bet one man’s cholesterol is gonna be sky high in the coming weeks. He’s got a lot of eggs to eat (not counting those on his face).

**The Riis Park bath house is supposed to be getting a final facelift. Something like $4 million is going towards the Riis rehab job. Maybe they’ll use some of the money to get rid of those ugly jersey barriers (painted green—what an environmental touch!) that replaced the railings on the edge of the cement boardwalk. (Bet $4 million dollars could have gone a long way to a pool – but our government said it would cost 30 million more than that. You know the same government known to pay $800 for toilet seats).

**I hate to put rumors to rest—especially those that are hilarious (true or not)—but I gotta set everyone straight about one wild story now circulating. It seems after an announcement in a local church bulletin about The Graybeards sponsoring a Peter Pan production some folks got the impression that the Graybeards themselves would be performing (needless to say that would have been one tough ticket!). Any number of Graybeards were potential Tinker Bells. Squeezing some of them into tights would have been worth the price of admission. Alas, sorry to disappoint. The Graybeards are merely coordinating and sponsoring the production to be performed by professional actors. The cost is $3 per ticket and the show is ideal for kids, oh, sixth grade and younger. The dates? Friday, November 21 and Saturday, November 22 at the St. Francis gym. Call 634-6812 if you want tickets.

**Anybody know who used to go by the name William Blythe? That was former president Bill Clinton’s name. He changed it long before he hit the national stage. Gary Hart, former presidential contender used go by Hartpence. Makes me wonder if our congressman Anthony Weiner should make a move now. Before he takes a stab at a spotlight job like mayor or senator. Maybe go with Winter. Or Winner. McWeiner. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. But if he doesn’t make a change, I think he’s gonna have to be pretty inventive when slogans are called for. Maybe he’ll just use a variation of the old Smuckers ad. With a name like Weiner, he has to be good. As I said, maybe I’m reading too much into his last name. But hey, my last name kept me out of politics —though that’s not totally true because I’ve been called a boil on Lew Simon’s butt (by Lew himself).

**On a far more serious note, please remember in your prayers those who died on November 12, 2001 when flight 587 crashed. And don’t forget we live in a community in which hundreds of people raced to the scene to help.

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