Connolly’s Orioles Jamaica Bay Softball Report
"I want to thank the good Lord for making me an Oriole" - Sean "Goat Boy" O’Connell
The Orioles showed up at Opening Day 2003 in full force, filled with the anticipation of a season filled with promise. The teams were early, excited, and for the most part, sober. A quick look at the team showed that many of the boys had forgotten bikini season is nearly upon us. All the off-season talk of changing our old ways was quickly dismissed as Sully arrived with the jerseys approximately thirty seconds before gametime, after promising to deliver them Saturday night.
Alas, the Orioles couldn’t mount any type of offensive threat, with Sully, Chunky Lover, and Weird John striking out, as the rest of the team showed no patience at the plate -first pitch swinging, and swinging at pitches out of the strike zone. After the game the Orioles were left in shock, not that they had been defeated by the upstart Baby Brewers, but that it would only cost them $10 to drink the keg. The boys were all happy, and there is nothing better than a group of happy Orioles. There were some moral victories for the black and orange on Sunday. "We are still undefeated in boat races, and that has to count for something", boasted Shrek. Also the Orioles stayed out in proud fashion even as the Baby Brewers went home to finish their homework.
*****News and Notes -
Trooper and the Goods were placed indefinitely on the DL in non-related incidents...Jack Allen finally named the vein in his head the "real goods"... An offer has been put on the table to re-acquire Mike O’Neill from the Brewers. Rumors have it that the Orioles are willing to part ways with BK (who is still running to first base) and the rights to DJ Teddy... The Orioles would like to invite everyone down to say "hi" to Jeff at the season opening of Connolly’s this weekend.
This weekends theme will be "Kiss an Oriole"...Tryouts will once again be held for the up and coming cheering squad, the Ori-hoes...On Sunday come down and watch the Orioles championship run, um, start again...Raffles will be sold at the after game party, winner gets an autographed picture of Lew "Oriole Nut" Simon...Finally the quote of the week comes from Captain Whalehead. While guzzling a cold draft after the game, Head stopped and thought. With a glazed look in his eye he boldly inquired: "could we possibly be that bad"?