2003-05-16 / Columnists

Boyle-ing Points by Kevin Boyle

Just Read This And Nobody Will Get Hurt
Boyle-ing Points by Kevin Boyle Just Read This And Nobody Will Get Hurt

News reports suggest that criminal investigations against the likes of Kenneth Lay, Martha Stewart, Dennis Kozlowski, and Jeffrey Skilling are stalled. Well, have the investigators even bothered to check with Belle Rock car service? Ya never know, they might get some hot leads that way. Though, of course, most criminals aren’t as accommodating as the kind we get in Rockaway.

You read the story last week of the bank heist in Belle Harbor, right? A local guy wants to rob the bank so what does he do? He calls Belle Rock car service. Is this classic or what?

Okay….take me to the bank on 129 street….good….ok, wait here, driver, I gotta make a withdrawal…

Man comes out with money overflowing from a bag. Jeez, how easy was that, he’s must’ve been thinking. He must’ve felt like a judge in the Brooklyn courts.

And what’s the driver thinking at this point? Here comes a big tip?

Take me to Brooklyn, the Willie Sutton of Rockaway says. I hope for drama’s sake, he added, "Step on it."

Long story short: The dispatcher calls the driver, and asks in Russian, where are you? Ok, the cops will be right there. So, in quick fashion, the robber was nabbed; the cash recovered. I think they caught him with the weapon (the extended index finger under his sweatshirt).

The buzz in media circles is that John Baxter on Channel 35 beat out Primetime and 20/20 for the exclusive interview. Early word around the courthouse suggested that criminal defense attorney Mark Geragos, fresh off the Winona Ryder shoplifting case, was thinking about offering his services but he’s too busy looking for the real killers in the Scott Peterson case.

Anyway, we have to thank the Belle Harbor bank robber for his obliging manner. We wish all those involved in criminal behavior would act likewise. His robbery and subsequent capture reminds many of the story of a 7 foot basketball player who goes to rob the grocery store he frequently patronizes. The 7 footer, carrying a gun, walks in wearing a mask. His windbreaker has his name "Marvin" stitched across the front. He demands money. The owner says, "Marvin, what are you doing?!" Marvin’s reply: "It’s not me."

Boyle-ing Over: Many people followed the sage advice in this column and put the rent money on Funny Cide in the Kentucky Derby. Suntan Dan Edwards was the original source for that prosperous pick. I’ve been trying to track him down for a Preakness pick but he’s holed up somewhere with morality czar William Bennett.

If you’re wondering who the heck Suntan Dan is—he’s the Fedex driver with an electric buzzer in his hand.

***The Daily News reported that Congressman Anthony Weiner is one of the many who is considering a mayoral run against One-And-Done Bloomberg. Tony’d be a good candidate. A little momentum and they’d resurrect an early headline: Weiner On A Roll.

Can’t you just hear a heavily accented man doing a promo: I like Anthony. He’s a real Weiner (winner).

He’s got a congressional seat for life, if he wishes, but this Weiner has enough ham to want a bigger stage. Don’t underestimate him. We remember when he was an underdog in a four man primary….

*** I hope the new Duane Reade on Beach 116 street and Beach Channel becomes a complete ghost town. The corporate bully sued Patrick Clark because he took out an ad in The Wave calling for a boycott of the store. Clark (and others) objected to the sign they were erecting, calling it "an aesthetic nightmare" — particularly because it would shadow the 9/11 memorial planned for the bay front spot next door. Apparently, Duane Reade didn’t think much of Mr. Clark’s right to free speech. In what sure looks like an act of intimidation Duane Reade sued Clark. The New York Civil Liberties Union will defend Mr. Clark and if there’s any justice in this world, Duane Reade will rue the day they decided to sue.

Some people say there’s no such thing as bad publicity. We’ll see…

And, by the way, isn’t this also a case for Lew Simon? I say dust off the old bullhorn Lew and get out in front of Duane Reade. How are senior citizens supposed to get their prescriptions at a place with a driveway, which leads right into a crosswalk? Lew, that’s become one dangerous crosswalk—please let our seniors know they should be careful! (Maybe they should use another pharmacy?).

***The Harlem Wizards return! The famous basketball troupe was a smash hit last spring when they visited St. Francis De Sales. The show, sponsored by The Graybeards, was an absolute delight to the hundreds of kids who attended. They just had to come back. So, mark it down, Saturday, May 31 at St. Francis. Check next week’s Wave for details.

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