2002-12-21 / Sports

Rolfe Wants Good Wishes To His Week 16 Picks

Rolfe Wants Good Wishes To His Week 16 Picks

Rolfe Wants Good Wishes To His Week 16 Picks

"You could have it all, but how much do you want it?"
                                                                     -Oasis, "Supersonic"

While the Jets reverted to familiar December form, Rolfe turned things around from the previous week, going a very respectable 10-6. In the spirit of the holidays, here are some Week 16 picks for your stockings.

SATURDAY:

VIKINGS (+3.5) over Dolphins- Coaching decision of the year- Down one after a Randy Moss TD grab with 5 seconds left, Minny coach Mike "Silent Joe" Tice went for a 2 point conversion and the win instead of settling for a tie and overtime. The Vikes scored, and so Tice is now the smartest 4-10 coach in all the land.

49ers (-4.5) over CARDINALS- San Fran has clinched the NFC West, but have no shot at a first round bye, meaning Jeff Garcia and cheerleader babe wannabe Terrell Owens may sit this one out to rest their various injuries. Great- the 49ers subs against the awful Arizona Cardinals... can't Fox air old episodes of "Girls' Club" instead?

COWBOYS (+6.5) over Eagles- "But these matchups looked good when we booked them back in March"- The hosts of Saturday's games, Minnesota, Arizona and Dallas, have a combined record of 14-28.

SUNDAY:

Giants (+5.5) over COLTS- Who would've thought that the G-Men even had a shot at the playoffs after that Houston game?

PACKERS (-6.5) over Bills- Would you bet against Brett Favre and his career 34-0 record at Lambeau when the temperature is 34 degrees or below? Rolfe neither.

Lions (+11) over FALCONS- Mike "Senator" McMahon gets the start for Detroit, and should rally the Troops for a cover.

Bears (+3.5) over PANTHERS- Any team that could beat the Jets like that has to be good... right?

Saints (-7) over BENGALS- Good news for Carson Palmer- he won the Heisman last week. Bad news- looks like the Bengalis are going to take him with the first pick in next year's draft.

Titans (-1.5) over JAGUARS- Steve McNair has played some of the best football in his life the last 3 weeks; all without even practicing due to his multiple injuries. That has inspired Rolfe to write this article straight through, with no first drafts, revisions, or spell chuck.

CHIEFS (-4) over Chargers- Fun with numbers: Since the '97 season, S.D. is 3-8 ATS (against the spread, kids) versus the Sunshine Band.

REDSKINS (-6.5) over Texans- This is Spurrier's one last chance to run up the score on an inferior opponent; take him and the Skins anyway.

Rams (PK) over SEAHAWKS- Marc Bulger is 6-0 in his starts this season; Kurt Warner was 0-5. Good thing coach Mike Martz is a self-proclaimed genius; he'll be able to figure out who should start next year.

Broncos (+4) over RAIDERS- Los Broncos coach Mike Shanahan has had the Raiders' number ever since Al Davis fired him. The Orange need this game to keep their playoff hopes alive... of course, so does basically everyone else in the AFC.

RAVENS (-2.5) over Browns- Even more fun with numbers: Since this edition of the Browns entered the NFL in 1999, they are 2-16 in the season's last 5 weeks.

Jets (+3.5) over PATRIOTS- Watch for the Jets to come back and win this game, giving Gang Green nuts some more hope. Then of course, they will blow the game next week, once again ripping the hearts out of their fans' still beating chests.

MONDAY:

BUCS (-4) OVER Steelers- Gruden's team needs this game to make sure they don't have to travel to Green Bay or Philly in the post-season, since they have never won a game when the temperature is below freezing. (Like all the weather references in this week's articles? Rolfe would like to thank his heroes Dave Price, Mr. G and Sam "Are the rumors true?" Champion for the inspiration.)

(Home Team in CAPS)

OTHER NEWS- Less than a day after the transit strike was settled, Rolfe and about 100 other train riders stood in the bitter cold at the Broad Channel station waiting for the Rock Park shuttle, which was sitting in its usual waiting spot. After 15 minutes, the conductor must have finished counting his new pile of money, because he then started the train and picked us up. Thanks, buddy. And just think- the fare is going up to $2.00 a ride soon....

"Chicken Dance Elmo" is this Christmas' best selling toy, but Rolfe has his eyes on a different doll. His choice? The "Talking Toussaint," based on the Transport Workers Union President. Someone talking too much? Press Toussaint's belly and hear him say, "I think the mayor should shut up!" And after a tough day of negotiations, pull Roger's string and hear him shout "Show Me the Money!" (Batteries not included)...

Some gifts that Rolfe is not asking for this Christmas- tickets to "Trent Lott Night" at the Apollo; any trip booked by Sean Penn's travel agent; the Islanders' new orange jersey; Crown Chicken food certificates; shares in United Airlines; or Dharma and Greg, the Complete 2nd Season DVD....

One person who "allegedly" will not be getting any presents this Christmas is Jet lineman Jumbo Elliot. Reports last week say that after a number of Jets went out for dinner and drinks, Elliot got a little rowdy, attacking his 60 year old limo driver, who happened to be dressed up as Santa Claus. Taking on Kris Kringle is a big step up for Jumbo- a few summers ago he was busted for punching a girl in a Long Beach bar. Women, old men... who's next for this tough guy? My guess- the next midget or blind guy that gets in his way....

Yankee tickets for the 2003 season went on sale last week, and prices for most seats were increased from last season's rates. Raising ticket prices after not winning the World Series? Who do they think they are- the Mets?

Season Record: 104-115-5

Best Bet: Rams

E-Mail: RockawayRolfe@yahoo.com

Merry Christmas to all; and to all a good night....


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