2002-11-16 / Columnists

Boyle-ing Points

By Kevin Boyle


It's That Time Of Year

It's the time of year to push back the clock, change the batteries in the smoke alarms, take down the awning and the Halloween decorations---especially if you've got one of those trick doormats rigged so that a blood curdling scream is heard the moment somebody steps on it. Which reminds me of a story.

Young people going to high schools these days carry cell phones. Unless warned, unless threatened with dire bodily harm, these young people will think nothing of calling your house at 6:30 in the a.m. on their way to school. And they will think nothing of calling your house at 11 p.m. just to have a grunting conversation with the young person who happens to reside in your home.

Local man turned justifiably madman, Tommy Carroll, got a taste of this grim reality just a few days ago.

Allow me to set the scene. It's the crack of dawn and Tommy's finally settled into a deep sleep after a fitful night. He hears a scream---is he dreaming? The phone rings, jolting him awake. But not quite awake. He hears another scream. The phone, all this screaming. Somebody must be getting killed. He throws on his pants and bolts downstairs. He's half-awake, half-frazzled, half ready to find who-knows-what. He runs to the front of the house, throws open the front door, steps outside---and right onto the doormat, which lets go with another scream.

Turns out, one of the young people with the cell phone was afraid to ring the bell because he didn't want to wake anyone in the house. So after he stepped on the screaming mat, he called his school chum, Tommy's son, on the phone. He got dad instead.

Boyle-ing Over: And I thought sports and the courts were just crazy in the United States. Don't know if you saw this item, but the father of a hockey player in Canada is suing the league his son played in (and its officials) because, get this, his son did not win the Most Valuable Player (MVP) award. Seems the son has "lost his desire to play" since being allegedly jobbed. The father was wants a few hundred grand to make the pain go away. Maybe dad is on to something here. I wonder if the statutes of limitations has run out because I'd really like to sue my eighth grade math teacher who told me I couldn't add two plus two. He was right, but who cares? I lost my desire to add and subtract from that day on. I'd like to sue my baseball coach for batting me sixth one day. My self-esteem was so crushed I never had the confidence to bat clean up again. I'd like to sue a few thousand women who told me to take a hike in my single days. I got one or two local lawyers in mind who'd be happy to take these cases.

**I hope no such lawsuits pop up as a result of my growing forgetfulness. There I was, in the flesh, watching local football star Danny Corrigan blast through a hole for a touchdown at a recent Poly Prep football game and all I did was forget to give him some well-deserved ink. Danny's athletic accomplishments have been many---quite frankly, I wish somebody'd write something about him.

Soon after Danny rushed for his TD I realized a couple of other top players from the beach were playing for Poly. Paul Nolan, a kid any coach loves to have because he's got a lion's heart (and maybe claws, too) and Kirk Deligiannis, another tough cookie blessed with eye-pooping athleticism. Paul did a lot better than a measly mention in Boyle-ing Points---an interception he made was highlighted on the popular Mike Quick's MSG High School Sports show.

**Okay, I finally figured out what the construction crews are doing in Rockaway. They're digging and digging---with no intention of fixing the roads----they're actually building canals to turn Rockaway into a little Venice. Forget ferries. Think gondolas.

All this digging ---and unfinishing---makes me think there could be opening for several hundred new homeowner associations. "We're collecting on behalf of those people on the west end of the 12 foot crevice, east of the 6 foot crevice." "We're collecting on behalf of those who can't drive down the block." "We're collecting on behalf of all homeowners who will need to replace shocks and mufflers within the next two months."

The truly scary thing is, with the city in financial straits, it's an even bet that the projects will just stop and we'll be left with the mess we have now (see Courthouse for past 30 years; see Neponsit Home for last few years).


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