2002-09-21 / Sports

Rolfe Hopes NFL Picks

Can Only Get Better
By Rolfe
Rolfe Hopes NFL Picks Can Only Get Better

Can Only Get Better
By Rolfe 

"Whoa whoa whoa oh, .... Things can only get better" - Howard Jones

 After last week's 5-11 showing by Rolfe, things can't get much worse.

Jets (+6) over MIAMI-

Let's play "$25,000 Pyramid." The mom from Mr. Belvedere will give the clues. 60 seconds on the clock. Ready...go!! "The Jets have beaten Miami 8 times in a row... There's no way the Jets can play as bad as last week... Curtis Martin's ankle is feeling better... Mammals' CB Patrick Surtain is injured" Contestant: "Reasons to take the Jets and the points this week!!" DING DING DING!!

Seattle (+6.5) over GIANTS-

What a difference a week makes. The Jets get spanked, and all of a sudden, the NY tabloids are full of stories how the Giants are the local team going to the Super Bowl. This is a classic letdown game for the G-Men, who may rally late to pull out the victory, but not by enough.

VIKINGS (-6) over Carolina-

After leading the Panthers to a 2-0 record, Rodney Peete was named Carolina's QB for the rest of the year, which has to be the best news for him since Holly Robinson (21 Jump Street) stopped taking Rolfe's calls, and decided to marry "Hot Rod." The Vikes lost a tough one to the Bills last week, but should rebound here with a big victory versus the "playing way over their heads" Cats.

Kansas City (+9) over PATS-

It looks like pretty boy Tom Brady and the Patsies are for real after the whooping they put on the Jets last week. Yet this is another classic let down game, as the Sunshine Band, led by Priest Holmes, should keep it close.

EAGLES (-9) over Cowboys-

The 'Boys burned me last week, knocking off the Titans at home after their horrible loss to the Texans in Week 1. However, look for them to revert back to their awful ways, especially facing Donovan McNabb (who I think is the best darn player in the NFL today) and his cast of characters in Philly.

BEARS (-2.5) over New Orleans-

The Bears always seem to be the team you can't bet on- they'll win, but never covering the spread. Nevertheless, Chicago's D should clamp down on the Deuce (McAllister) and squeeze out a victory by the necessary margin on the legendary turf of the University of Illinois Stadium.

TITANS (-4) over Cleveland-

OK, I know I went 5-11 last week, and you have no reason to have any faith, but just trust me on this one. Hey, as Jim said to Nadia, "I am a band geek."

Indy (-12) over TEXANS-

The Texans had their big win in their first game ever, and should be good for maybe 1 or 2 more W's the rest of the year. It's not going to be this week, as EJ and Peyton should put up some sweet fantasy numbers for 3 quarters.

DENVER (-9) over Buffalo-

Gotta love the way the gutsy new Drew Bledsoe and the Bills have been playing, but Denver's been even better. The Broncs' 3-headed rushing attack and the sobering influence of Brian Griese should score enough points, while the Denver D shuts down a team just not built for playing on grass.

San Diego (-1) over ARIZONA-

The 2-0 Bolts won their first 3 games last season, and what's to stop them from doing it again here? Jake Plummer and Tom Jones (ESPN.com's The SportsGuy's new favorite player)?? I doubt it...

Redskins (+7) over SAN FRAN-

I wonder if the NFL Injury Report will list any scrapes or bruises suffered by the 41,000 or so media types, WFAN callers/losers, and other know-nothings jumping off the Spurrier bandwagon. Well, Rolfe is staying on board, planning to ride with Stevie Ball Coach and the Skins to a victory over the somewhat overrated 49ers.

Packers (-8) over LIONS-

Brett "Lay Down Sally" Favre and the Pack looked horrific, losing 35-20 to the Aren'ts last week. Nothing like Matt Millen and his Lions to make a team feel better in a hurry. Question- how did Millen get this job?? Did Dan Dierdorf turn it down first? Did management think Terry Bradshaw was a little too brainy for the position??

Bengals (+7) over FALCONS-

Hmmm....watch this matchup, or week 2 of the Sopranos?? Sure Michael Vick is one of the most exciting young playas in the league, but he has no one around him. Corey Dillon is in pretty much the same boat for the Bengalis, but he at least has an offensive line that should let him run for 150+ yards and get Cincy their first win.

TAMPA BAY (+1.5) over St. Louis-

To paraphrase Col. Trautman in Rambo: "It's over, Mike Martz!! It's OVER!!!" If Jim Fassel can figure out how to stop the "genius" Martz, I like my chances with John Gruden and his Tampa D.


Definite (and only) highlight of the Jet game last week- Out of nowhere, Dan Dierdorf gave a 2 minute monologue praising Tom Brady's special abilities. It was a little disturbing at first, trying to count how many times he used a variation of the phrase "ballhandler." But the topper was this quote- "You know... it's been fun watching Tom Brady's ballhandling all afternoon." Sorry Dan, but you and I have different definitions of the word "fun."

People who annoy Rolfe- Being a dorky white guy, other dorky white guys who say "Bling, Bling." Dorky white guys who wear "Bling, Bling." And anyone who complained last week's episode of the Sopranos was "boring." Please- you had Spider, hopped up on goofballs, whacking the (allegedly) dirty cop who killed his dad (maybe). There was Uncle Junior, doing some of the worst flirting since Rolfe's days in the old "New Irish Circle" (circa 1995-2001). And Paulie Walnuts watching Springer in the can. All good stuff.

Love letters? Hate mail? Send it to RockawayRolfe@yahoo.com


- Vikings


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