2002-08-17 / Columnists

From the G-Man

By Gary G. Toms

No Time For Your Drama!

Hey people! In the last week or so, I have received emails and letters from a number of community residents and organizations. The correspondence was based on the column I wrote last week, "This Brother Doesn't Play Favorites." I was congratulated for having the "huevos" to speak out on a very sensitive subject, particularly when political representatives are involved.

I was also commended for pointing out the fact that there are so many stupid little cliques (and people) within the community that seem to think it's all about them. They have lost sight of their objectives, which is to somehow better the community for the children and others who are proud to call Rockaway their home.

"You hit the nail right on the head G-man," said one letter. "Too many people are out to simply get recognition or their name or picture in The Wave for purely selfish reasons. They claim they are pro-community, when many of them have not done anything for the community."

An email from a soldier stationed in Guam, serving in the United States Navy, stated, "I laughed when I read your column because my family is still part of the Rockaway community, and they have been updating me on the latest crop of self-serving, egotistical booty scratchers spread throughout the community. They have their own agendas and could care less about anyone or anything else. These people were whining when I lived in Rockaway, and it is obvious that they are still carrying on. Some things never change. Good for you G-man! Someone has to hold them accountable."

Another letter took my column to a whole new level by saying that many organizations also get caught up in ego game.

"The one thing you left out in your hilarious tirade was the fact that many community groups, who are supposed to work together for the common good of the community, have just as many egomaniacs embedded in them. If one group is featured in The Wave, and other organizations working with said group don't get mentioned, the organizations get all bent out of shape. That shows you what they're really all about. No one should care about who's front and center when pitching in to make a difference in the community, especially if it's a collective effort. Focus on the overall goal for God's sake!"

I could not agree more with these statements, and I want to thank those of you who took the time to send me your responses.

Looking back, the column made me realize that certain people are just plain annoying, and they just insist on making life difficult on many levels. Now, G-man would like to set them straight on the following issues.

Full/Half Page Photo Layouts

People send, or drop off, photos to the Wave office constantly, and we set them up as full or half page photo layouts. We love to do them, and we do them as a community service...free of charge! If we should happen to screw up the layout somehow, don't come into the office like you are the most powerful person in Rockaway screaming about the error. Just acknowledge that an error was made, and be thankful that you were given the opportunity to be in the paper to begin with! Too many organizations are starting to act like they deserve a certain level of prominence or exposure, while others are extremely happy if they get just two photos in this newspaper. Moreover, the ones that are happy with a mere two photos in the paper are often very polite and understanding if an error was made. Others are simply bossy and go as far as to say that the screw up was intentional. Let me tell you what I'm going to do for these folks. I'm going to start carrying a little tape recorder. The minute someone starts to bellow about some nonsense, or something unbelievably stupid, I'm going to hit the play button, which will activate a nasty male voice shouting, "No time for your drama!" The more annoying you are, I will hit rewind and replay the message (over and over) until you go away!

Interrupting My Quality Time

This is a situation that is quickly becoming the equivalent of having a boil on my butt! I don't mind at all if someone recognizes me on the street and wants to take a minute or two to tell me what they think of the paper or how I'm doing as a columnist. What makes me want to mush people in the face is when I'm hanging out with my niece or nephew and someone "bum rushes" me to spend the next 20-30 minutes talking about their political strategy or something I could care less about during quality time with loved ones. Oh, and don't let me try to walk away! That's when they follow you with, "I know it's the weekend, and you're with your family, but I have to tell you this G-man!" In this situation, not only will I reach for the tape recorder, I just might actually hit you with it! Then, for good measure, I'd take the tape out, run to my car, start it up, put it in reverse and back up right next to you. I'd pop the trunk, put the tape in the deck, and turn it up full blast for you to hear, "No time for your drama!" blaring through the trunk speakers. Then, I'd toss my niece and nephew in the car, and watch the dirt hit you in the face as I peel out. Get away from me you loser!

Horrendous Take Out Service

This refers back to the nasty little troll woman that I wrote about several months ago. Remember her? She was the one who gave me a hard time when all I was trying to do was get an order of shrimp. Well, she's breeding! Now, there are clones of her springing up at over the place...more annoying and rude than ever. I've got something for them though. One night, after the fast food joints have closed down, I'm going to sneak in and rewire their music system. No more listening to that dentist's office music as you wolf down a Big Mac. No my friends. Now, these troll mongers will be forced to hear, "No time for your drama!" repeatedly during their shifts until they change their wicked ways. We can stop them. We have the technology!

An Ill Wind Blows

These people are more than annoying...they're nasty. Oh, you know the type. They break wind anyplace and anytime without regard for anyone else. If you're in a restaurant, the delectable smell of a broiled filet mignon can quickly transform into a stench bad enough to make your eyes water or peel the skin off a potato. At the moment of impact, they look around as if to say, "Who is the nasty behind in here who did that?" when all the while they know it was them. Some of them even have the nerve to smile after doing the dirty deed. These people are nasty to the tenth power! I'd like to run up on them, with a gas mask on, and press that tape button, but there would be just one revision. It would say, "No time for your drama.... or funk!" Go take a laxative!

I could go on, but there just wouldn't be enough room. So, consider this as a "to be continued" piece. Cool? If you have complaints about this column, especially the so-called "crudeness" of the last paragraph, just keep it to yourself because... I have no time for your drama!

See you next week!


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