2002-07-06 / Columnists

From the G-Man by Gary G. Toms Hangin’ With "Bloomy"

From the G-Man by Gary G. Toms
Hangin' With "Bloomy"

Earlier on, many reporters dogged Mayor Bloomberg about what he did on his weekends off. Being the smart man that he is, he basically told them to kiss where the sun doesn't shine, and to mind their own business. It's so hilarious because everyone was running around trying to get into the man's business, when all they had to do was ask me. What? You're surprised that G-man knows what the Mayor does on his weekends? C'mon people! Bloomberg and I are as thick as thieves, and we have been since the late 70's. I could show you pictures of when we auditioned for the movie version of "Grease." I was going for the "Danny Zucko" role and "Bloomy" (he loves the nickname I gave him) tried out for "Kinicky." We got several callbacks, but we eventually lost the parts to John Travolta and some loser named Jeff Conaway. In my case, I'm still wondering if it was "a Black thing."

In an effort to soothe our pain, we hit the legendary Studio 54. Now, I used to really get upset at Bloomy because they never wanted to let us in when he wore this stupid yellow feather boa with yellow thigh-high platform boots. He looked like the lone white member of Parliament Funkadelic. You talk about embarrassed? I had to bribe the guys at the door to let us in. Bloomy was flashing cash back then, but so were Stallone, Minelli and Warhol. It took a special man to get you into 54, and Bloomy still kisses my feet to this day for being that man.

I tried to teach him about "house music" at the world-famous Paradise Garage, but we were banned from the club after Bloomy punched one of the DJ's in the face when he wouldn't play "Beauty School Dropout" from the "Grease" soundtrack. Overall, we had some good times at 54.

I didn't see much of him again until after the mid 90's. That's because he got caught up in the 80's Wall Street craze. He started dressing like "Gordon Gecko", the character portrayed by Michael Douglas in "Wall Street", and he kept saying, "Greed is good!" He started to get on my damn nerves. He didn't want to go disco roller-skating or spend weekends playing Atari anymore, so I had to cut him loose.

He showed up at a fundraiser I was hosting in '96 to benefit "Arnold the Pig," from the 60's television series "Green Acres." Just as I was about to start a square dance session, with Willie Nelson, he walked in and handed me a $10,000 Rolex watch. "I've made a name for myself, and a few million, but it's no fun if I can't hang with my buddy The G-man," he said. I was elated that we were friends again. I snatched the Rolex and put it on, kicked the pig right square in the $#@, and we headed out to Los Angeles for a party at Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion.

That brings us to the current period. Nowadays, it's a little harder to hang with Bloomy because he's so busy, but we live for our weekends. Sometimes, he ticks me off because he only wants to go to Lincoln Center to see the opera "Carmen," while the only "Carmen" I want to see is dancing on stage at the Kit Kat Club on Broadway. Meow babyâ026meow!

I have to admit, he's really improved as a dancer. He can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson, and he just completed taping an appearance on "Soul Train," where he did the Soul Train line. Let me tell you, man. He threw opened his shirt, ripped off the tie and cufflinks, and the Mayor got busy! Everybody was yelling, "Go Bloomy, Go Bloomy! It's your birthday, it's your birthday!" I was glad to see him wreck the floor like that. The ballroom dancing was getting a little old.

We went to the Tyson-Lewis fight and ending up throwing spitballs at Tyson throughout the contest. We bolted when Tyson, and members of his security team, tried to grab us. Bloomy almost got caught because he was laughing so hard and kept falling. I would've left him right there too! I could see the headline in the Daily News now; "Mayor Catches A Serious Beatdown!"

Last week, against my better judgment, and after numerous requests, I took Bloomy to a hip-hop club. He said he wanted to learn more about the hip-hop culture and its people, and like a dork, I fell for it. He walked into the club wearing FUBU gear and a pair of Allen Iverson sneakers by Nike. Every time I called him Bloomy, he would scream at me. "That's not my name G-Dog! Tonight, I'm Mayo B," he said. I rolled my eyes, and we entered the club. He didn't even bother to warm up by stopping at the bar. He went straight up to the stage and grabbed a microphone. He looked out at the crowd, who recognized him immediately, and they went wild. "Cut it up DJ!" yelled Bloomy, and the crowd went nuts. As I turned back to see who his DJ was, I was floored when Governor Pataki started back spinning and scratching records. As Pataki mixed it up, Bloomy riffed, "They call me Mayo Bâ026. the king of classâ026I ain't punkâ026I kicked Mark Green's $%#! I've got money skills and super wit, yeah I'm gonna fix the deficit. I now control the Board of Ed, those Community School Board cats are dead! That's all for now, gotta hit the gym, I'm just a middle-aged version of Eminem! Peace!" After his magnificent performance, I had to say to myself, "Business mogul, politician, and nowâ026rap superstar. The man can truly do it all."

When the controversy broke about his weekend excursions, Bloomy was very bothered by it. He was so upset that he called me for advice.

"G-man, they're coming from all sides with these questions. What am I doing? Where am I going and with whom? What do I tell them?"

I replied, "Just think about what the G-man would say in that situation, and you'll be okay. Oh, just one other thing. Don't mention that you hang out with me. Most people will find that hard to believe."

See you next week!


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