2002-03-16 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

By Marilyn Gelfand

By Marilyn Gelfand

What do we do when we feel someone is hurting us? If possible, it would be good to remove ourselves from our own emotional reaction to the pain, take deep breaths, try to keep our energy at peace and protect our own energy in a bubble. Our reactions are under our control because we know we can let go of the feeling, and later decide why we experience anxiety or anger, for example. Letting go of that emotion and regrouping our energy allows us to determine what we should do next. Our response is not impulsive, controlled by the other person triggering us, but rather one that I choose.

If you feel pain caused by another, have you allowed someone else to come within your energy? Do you feel self-doubt or fear? Has that response of your own emotions allowed you to see a vulnerability within yourself? For example, if I feel weak or unworthy when always in the presence of someone who I feel is judgmental, I need to recognize the source of my discomfort and perhaps decide on a course of action to be used whenever I am with that individual. I may prepare myself to put up an energy screen or send back the energy to the sender or God. If I am aware that when I am with this person, I react with unworthiness, I am prepared. I can acknowledge that I probably will react in similar fashion each time I am with that kind of critic. Very often, my action and what I feel is the best course may not be related to what the other person expects from me. It's what I want to do unencumbered by the other's expectations. I can ignore, yell, explain, take my time, etc., but it will be what I know is right in this situation. I will feel whole in my protective bubble.

On the other hand, am I angry because someone else is not seeing it my way, and I feel hurt or concerned or ignored? I must detach again, and step back, and see if I've wandered into someone else's path. I cannot control another, but I can make suggestions. After that, I must let go, and regroup myself into peace. Let that person be surrounded by the most beautiful energy, and wish him well. It is more important to help someone else on his way, than stew about someone else not seeing it yours. It is a waste of time trying to control the uncontrollable. Really all of life is out of our control besides our own energy. Rather do what you can, and put the person into God/Universe's hands.

Sometimes it is crucial to stop someone who continues to hurt you. Kindness or love are interpreted by some as weakness. If speaking plainly or ignoring doesn't work to stop the other from causing you pain, you may have to resort to a step that gets the attention of the other. You may have to do what you find unpleasant, but it should stop the attacks. Confrontation may be necessary to say "Stop." This is preventing someone from attempting to invade your space. If you keep leaving your "door" open, someone may keep trying to push himself into your space. Close the door, and the person cannot enter.

So, first step, is checking whether or not another person has actually hurt me or have I hurt myself with my erroneous expectation of entering someone else's path. I want to know why I am reacting the way I do, being able to do this since I've already released the emotion, and then take an action I feel is right.


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