2002-02-09 / Columnists

From the G-Man

Ah, They Get On My Nerves!
By Gary G. Toms

By Gary G. Toms
Ah, They Get On My Nerves!

Hey people! How are you all doing? Are you in a good mood? Well, I'm not! I have had no time for anyone's "drama" this week, and I can't quite put my finger on why I've been so miffed. Maybe it's because my Pittsburgh Steelers got bounced from Super Bowl contention. Maybe it's because I have to accept the fact that Kordell Stewart is no Terry Bradshaw. Maybe it's because of a few things I saw on the drone box, also known as a television, this past week. Whatever the case, it seems that certain things really annoyed me recently that I feel are worth noting.

Case in point, can someone tell me why former mayoral candidate Mark Green is now offering political commentary, alongside Ed Koch and Alfonse D'Amato, on NY1's "Wiseguys?" I want to see these guys offering analysis like I want to see a Sumo wrestler at a buffet table. Who came up with the show's name, "Wiseguys", anyway? I think a more appropriate name would've been "The Three Stooges." Koch could be "Larry", since they have similar haircuts; D'Amato could be "Moe", since they always seem to have this angry look on their face; and Green could be, well, "Shemp" because they often get the snot beat out of them. Not too good being a Democrat these days, huh Mark? When I think about it, it could be a lot worse. Imagine the three of them as the stars of "Baywatch" or in a male version of "Charlie's Angels." There's nothing worse than watching old guys, with sagging chests, running up and down a California beach in slow motion. I'd rather watch paint dry.

This Enron thing has set me off too. This Bush/Cheney induced experiment, and it was an experiment, backfired on them, and they are in deeper than most people realize. Dick Cheney, the big doofus, refuses to disclose information regarding meetings he had with Enron bigwigs. What's that all about? Hey Cheney, if you and "The Bushmon" did nothing wrong, why don't you open your mouths? I'll tell you why you won't. It's because you know your butts are in a sling, and the rubber is about to snap.

Enron was supposed to prove that Americans could invest their savings and pensions in the stock market, through corporations and 401K's, and ride the wave of profit into Social Security heaven. Well, guess what? The only ones riding that wave now are the fat, dumpy corporate weasels at the head of Enron. The employees got the shaft, and all the government can do is hold these fake hearings in order to look like they are actually doing something about this nightmare.

The fact of the matter is this thing is not going to go away anytime soon, and everyone in Washington, particularly those in the Bush camp, knows it. This scandal is no joke, and one man is already dead because of it. It's going to grow, and it's going to get worse.

To this day, the finger pointing continues, but no one is telling the employees, who have lost their pensions and savings forever, how this whole thing happened. Bush, Cheney, Rice and Powell have enough wealth to last them several lifetimes. I can assure you that they are not worrying about retirement, and I think it's a damn shame that they knew what was taking shape, but did nothing to prevent the workers from losing it all before it was too late. To those who are saying, "They had nothing to do with the Enron debacle," I would like to point out once again that Cheney is refusing to talk about anything involving Enron. In my view, that speaks volumes.

The "Dummycrats" are no better because they are caught up in the scandal as well. Senators Schumer and Clinton, among others, have given huge sums of money to charities, that they received as campaign contributions from Enron. I have a question. If this story hadn't broke, and the Enron experiment worked, would they have been so quick to give back the campaign contribution revenue? I think we all know the answer to that. So, it's safe to assume that the only reason they gave the money away is because these political insects were fearful of becoming entangled in the Enron web. Some see the move as an act of goodwill. I see it as politicians making critical moves to downplay their relationship with Enron.

Speaking of political careers…please go away Al Gore! It's bad enough that he can't dance, and now he wants to jump up and attack "The Bushmon" and his handling of the economy? How long has Gore been out of the media spotlight? He hasn't changed. He's stiffer than ever. If drug companies ever want to offer a generic brand of Viagra, they can simply call it "Algore".

Al, do me a favor. Until you can figure out why you couldn't even carry your own home state in the 2000 election, I suggest you take a few dance lessons, stop trying to look like Clark Kent, and go sit down somewhere. You trying to pump new life into the Democratic Party is like Pamela Anderson becoming a finalist in the Miss Black America pageant…it ain't gonna happen, pal!

I am a member of the Independence Party for a reason. I feel the Party of Lincoln has failed to effectively address African-American issues and concerns of every poor American. The "Dummycrats" are too fragmented and stupid to do anything right as of late, and they have taken the strength of the African-American vote for granted for far too long. It's starting to cost them. (See Bloomberg mayoral election results for details.) Both parties make me sick, and it's going to take a complete overhaul by both parties to make me have complete faith in the political process.

Mike Tyson needs to go sit down and shut up too. I was pulling for the brother, until he said something that made me realize I couldn't defend him any longer. In a room full of reporters he yelled, "I'm on the Zoloff. That's what's stopping me from killing all y'all!" I'm sorry, but that was the last straw. This is a man who has issues, and I hope someone steps up to help him after a comment like this.

The fact that several Hollywood bimbos have gotten busted for cocaine possession, shoplifting and drunk driving, and will probably receive nothing more than a slap on the wrist, is really pissing me off. Wynona Ryder, Yasmine Bleeth, and others, may avoid hardcore prison sentences because of their notoriety, but if it were you or I, the outcome would be far different. I have no doubt that the pending trial of Lizzie "You Po' White Trash" Grubman will yield the same result. Once, just once, I would love to see the Gucci-wearing, fake chested, bad acting, tummy tucking, lipo-suctioned, butt lifted, spoiled little brats get exactly what they deserve. I'm sure you would too.

Feel free to send me an email at GaryWREC@aol.com. Until then, I'll see you next week!

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