2001-10-13 / Columnists

The Inner Voice

By Marilyn Gelfand

By Marilyn Gelfand

In the midst of all the outer world happenings, many of us are experiencing our own personal loss of loved ones as the cycles of life continue through the passing of days. If we really love someone, her departing can be heartbreaking no matter how old or how well she lived her life. We can be glad for a painless death, or a worthwhile life, but the personal loss of the mourner is another issue. Even if spiritual, one knows that the loved one has moved on and can’t be called at will. Death always teaches lessons to the living. Here are the lessons I have learned through my own suffering.

Death happens so quickly and is so final that it reaffirms living. The richness of life becomes clear since the end always comes. Am I living the way I want to? All the important worries for the deceased no longer exist for him or her. So much that may have been important for the person seems unimportant now. For me, it makes me evaluate each day. Is this how I choose to live? Are my priorities in order? Am I focusing too much attention on what I realize is meaningless too? Am I treating others the way I should?

The circumstances of those who are left often change drastically. New situations or opportunities open up through events, not through choosing. The family or friends who remain must deal with the new reality. I believe that God/Universe knows what the proper timing is for all concerned. For those that leave, there could be a thought of helping those who are still on Earth.

Death also shows the goodness in people concerned about the mourner. Often it is important to know that there are people who care. There are others who have grieved, and can understand what is felt. Often it is comforting to know that you are not alone.

If one has trusted one’s instincts, it can also reaffirm oneself and choices. How we behaved prior to the death, during the release of the spirit and the mourning process are opportunities for our own decisions. If we act appropriately (what each person believes) in each present moment, there are no regrets or guilt, only personal loss.

As the days go by, one can really understand that there is a time to be happy, and a time to be sad. The life goes around bringing different experiences to help us realize what is important. Life is meant to have ups and downs, times of great joy and pain, sadness and ecstasy. All are part of our human experience.

If anyone has learned something else that can be shared with others to help understand the pain of death, please write to me so we can share our good ideas.

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