2001-09-01 / Columnists

From the G-Man by Gary G. Toms

Hey people! I had the luxury of growing up in a household full of women, which included my mother and three sisters. I gained a wealth of knowledge from the experience. I learned how to cook, sew, do laundry, wash dishes and romance the ladies in a respectful manner. Nowadays, the guys always tease me by calling me "Gary Stewart", the male counterpart to Martha Stewart.

I truly enjoy being able to do these things, and I think the average guy who refuses to perform such tasks, particularly for himself, is one sorry individual. I know guys who act as though they can’t wipe their butt without the help of their main squeeze. They think performing household tasks is restricted to women only or "sissies". These guys are pathetic! As bad as these men are, there are none worse than those who viciously beat the women that they claim to love and respect.

Over the years, I have met a number of women that lived in shelters in an effort to escape the abuse. Their stories are painful. One woman described how she had been beaten during the entire 10-year period of her marriage.

"I had cuts, bruises and black eyes. I stayed in the marriage for two reasons. I did love my husband, and I knew the drugs and alcohol were causing him to do things he didn’t ordinarily do. I also had three children, and I had to try and keep the family together for their sake, at least until he got himself together. That never happened," the woman stated.

Another woman actually was led to believe that she deserved to be punched repeatedly by her boyfriend.

"I admit that I have a big mouth sometimes, and I know just what to say to piss him off. I guess I ask for it sometimes. I later realized that if I didn’t leave, he would probably kill me."

In many cases, battered women are abused for any number of reasons. If the soup she made for dinner is cold, she gets rapped in the mouth. If she looks in the direction of another man, in her spouse or boyfriend’s company, she gets rapped in the mouth. If she decides to express her independence or argue a point, she gets rapped in the mouth. If the male’s ego is challenged or diminished in the slightest way, she gets rapped in the mouth. There is never any valid reason for such abuse.

There are too many men walking around out there that live with the notion, "I’m a man, and I’m going to be respected no matter what. If I have to kick somebody’s ass for that to happen, male or female, then so be it!" Wrong attitude.

There are too many men walking around with the ideology, "I will not be disrespected by some bitch. If she’s bad enough to get in my face, then she’s bad enough to take a beating!" Wrong attitude.

There are a lot of men walking around with an enormous sense of anger about society, their childhood, their financial situation, broken relationships and a lack of opportunities for the future. As a result, they tend to find ways to "forget" their dilemmas, and this is where drugs, alcohol and the battering take center stage.

Some guys are fortunate enough to realize what is happening before it’s too late. Others are not as fortunate, and the outcomes are often disastrous. In the end, many people suffer, but the children caught in the storm suffer most.

I do realize that I am one of the lucky ones. Living with my mother and sisters allowed me to have an understanding and appreciation of women. I can understand how some men would become void of such emotions, given their upbringing. However, I cannot understand how a man can kick, punch, slap or bite a woman, repeatedly, without feeling a sense of guilt or compassion. More than that, it’s just plain wrong and inhumane.

What kind of man beats a woman until blood streams from her mouth and nose? What kind of man kicks a woman in the stomach, when she’s seven months pregnant? What kind of man pulls a woman by the hair and slaps her about the face because she wants to get a job? What kind of man says, "Baby, I love you", shortly after these horrible acts? The answer is, this is not a man at all.

This might be hitting home for some of you women reading this. If you are being battered, The G-man is telling you to get out of that relationship. If you don’t do it for yourself, then do it for your kids, if you have any. Broken ribs, a broken nose or a broken leg are not symbolic of a loving union.

To the guys, if you feel that you have been aptly described in this article, The G-man is telling you to get some help. If you truly love your wife or girlfriend as you claim, then have the courage to take steps to prevent any further abuse to her and your family.

People may ask, "Who the hell is The G-man to make such requests. He’s not a doctor or clinical psychologist?" They would be absolutely correct. I’m not a doctor or clinical psychologist. I’m just a man who visits a cemetery every year to place flowers on the grave of someone that was battered years ago.

See you next week!


Return to top


Email Us
Contact Us

Copyright 1999 - 2014 Wave Publishing Co. All Rights Reserved

Neighborhoods | History