News Flash: Players Get Even Older
By Strom Thurmond
Apologies to those of you who wait for Graybeard articles like it’s the next Harry Potter---we know it’s tough sleeping curbside on 116th street waiting for The Wave delivery truck on Friday mornings---though it’s a good way to meet Steve Stathis who often satisfies his wee-hour munchies with an egg salad at Pickles N Pies.
Speaking of Sir Stathis - a 50-year-old man with grown kids (i.e., too much time on his hands) has usurped the editorial reigns of Phil DeBasket and Will Chute. The new club reporter has taken to issuing weekly newsletters and pictorials. Many players are accusing Stathis of doctoring the photos. More than a few questioned the veracity of the picks. There was plenty of "Hey, I’m not bald," and "Hey, tell me the truth. Do I look that fat in real life?"
With the photos on display there was talk of publishing a Graybeard calendar. Not that Jack Weber is fat but someone did say if there’s a calendar he’d have to be the July AND August pin-up.
With this, the G-Beard’s sixth season, nearly halfway done we can say with authority no one’s gotten any quicker. In fact, the league is starting to look like a bunch of Kenny Brady clones.
There are just too many games to recap so if you want league standings and stats visit the St. Francis gym on Thursday nights and get yourself a newsletter. (League cheapskates prefer reading about themselves in this fashion---they don’t have to fork over 35 cents for The Wave). Anyway, what follows is some snapshot views from the sidelines from weeks past.
Richie Ryan--this year's only scholarship player got a well deserved pre-game standing O on opening night, then was told to take a seat by his sentimental teammates.
Dan Conlon and Joe Kenel are the leagues sommeliers. Say What? My dictionary says: Whine experts. Whine, whine, whine experts.
J.D. Donovan--a welcome sight on the hardwood after an off season eye injury. . .
Married life has made a bigger man out of Jughead McCormack (must be the cooking).
Whopper Armstrong needs a new nickname now that he’s shed some 30 pounds. . . Whopper Junior? The Value Meal?
Kevin Boyle who sat out last year with a knee injury showed he’s lost nothing with his ability to stack a squad. Nobody was believing his "but we got Bugsy" protests as his squad went 2-0 in the early going.
Separated at midnight: Joel Mirrer and Lon Chaney Jr.
Gunner Geary--dependable and consistent. Critics said his performance shows that you can still depend on Gunner to consistently do that thing he does. (Geary didn’t play all winter so that’s a lot of field goal attempts to make up for in one game. He tried).
He’s still Leaper. (Most of us are lepers with body parts falling off but Leaper? Dig this: he smacked a ball off the rim for a legit goaltend.)
Billy Seiz—still proving he still has a thirst for the game. Harry Werner--took one look at his squad and asked "so who's our big man?" Check out the mirror, big guy.
Gary Carroll--ageless lefty still has more moves than years but it's getting close. Best white crew cut in the league.
Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. McCool. The McCool Stomp still alive and kicking.
DNA testing is underway to determine if Dan Mullin is really related to Chris Mullin. Early evidence points to the contrary. Though he might be related to Robert Blake.
Unanimous courtside opinion: Suntan Edwards should shoot more.