2000-07-15 / Sports

Waldheim Report On Softball

By Corinne Waldheim

It has been a few weeks but the Waldheim Report is back and more controversial than ever.

Warning: Yankees’ fans might find the next few paragraphs offensive.

You have to hand it to Roger Clemens, he really knows how to take a player out of a line-up. If Clemens wants to be a Gladiator and play to the death he should take it somewhere else. Some people get by on wits and talent while Clemens gets by on Neanderthal tactics and cowardice.

Some people claim Piazza is a baby for complaining, that is like saying to Evander Holyfield, "its a man's sport and he should toughen up a bit" after Tyson took a chunk out of his ear.

As stated under Major League Baseball rule 8.02: To pitch at a batter's head is unsportsmanlike and highly dangerous. It should be-and is-condemned by everybody. Umpires should act without hesitation in enforcement of this rule.

Trust me I respect the Yanks as a team. I know that although they have played horribly in the last two months, it will be eclipsed by the fact that they will persevere and make the playoffs. But, I also know that the Mets (last weekend was a good example) should be given respect based on their performance over the last couple of years. Looking forward to the post-season subway circus as well.

To all those who took offense to the Rocker battery comment made a few weeks ago, I apologize. I did not throw batteries it was a joke. For a second there I was feeling like Jeff Pearlman under Rocker/Wells fire. Hey but at least it wasn’t Clemens’ heat.

Returning to Jamaica Bay Softball:

The Grassy Point Muggers met with the Waterfront Cardinals last Sunday in the Channel. Mugger pitcher John Hartel made some nice defensive plays and hit a game winner, while Cardinal pitcher Matty "Mugger" Conklin struck Kenny "the Rat" out. No sports fans, you can’t make these names up. Mo got some hits for Grassy’s as well.

The Muggers took a come-from-behind win, 6-3 in game one. The Cardinals claimed game two, 6-2. Steven James provided some offensive highlights while Kevin "slow man/gumby" Harnischer was thrown out at home. Honorary team coach, kinda like Dave Winfield, Kevin "maniac on the loose" Steinenger was wearing the same clothes from the night before and the same as last (Karaoke) Sunday. Hey, I ain’t picking on the guy, he volunteered the information.

Cardinal John "Gator" Schmitt made a diving catch and also hit a two-out, two RBI, sliding single. Brian Chavanne added some defensive gems while avoiding a parking meter in the outfield. Adding some of his own wild throwing expertise was his brother Leo.

"Timmy Hanning hit well," said several Muggers.

Contributed by a Brewers spokesperson:

The Brewers swept the A's (the Misfits). Pat Grottano, Marty Feeney and Robert "Fox Mulder" Falcone all had good days with the bat. Congrats to Ryan "Jar-Jar Binks" Vasselman on being in love. Has anyone seen Tommy Gross? I heard he went skiing.

The Daggers beat the Orioles 14-1 and 21-6. Hey since when did the JBSL start a football league?

The Mudsharks swept the Blackwater Old Heads. I do not have updated standings, because I have not received the scores, sorry boys and girls.

In closing I would like to quote Seinfeld who said this at a Manhattan night club last Monday, "When I heard someone got hit in the head with a brick yesterday, I couldn’t believe Clemens was pitching on only two days’ rest." I am sure someone will take offense to that too but what’s new. Happy Birthday Jodi.

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