The Oriole Report
By Theo Baxter
After a 13-day vacation, the Connolly's Orioles returned to the field last Sunday with the hopes of continuing their recent improved play. Only three and a half games out of a playoff spot, some of the boys in Orange spoke openly about a first ever post-season appearance. Unfortunately their opponents were the Irish Circle Daggers, the type of team that shoots to do more than just qualifying for the playoffs.
The Birds looked good early. After holding the Circle scoreless in the
top of the first inning, the Orioles scored three times, with Captain Den-Den's two RBI triple and B.K.'s following single being the big blows. Sadly, that was as good as things were going to get for the O's. The Daggers scored 18 runs in the next three innings, led mostly by those two guys who kept hitting the balls over the fence, and George Ripp, who did his best Eddie Gaedel impersonation, walking three straight times without swinging the bat. When it was
all said and done, the final score was 21-6.
The second game didn't get any better. After a RBI single in the first
by New Guy, the Orioles failed to score another run. It wasn't from a lack of trying -- they actually had bases loaded with one out in each of the next two innings, but could not get the big hits when it mattered. After five innings of carnage, the Circle completed the sweep, winning 14-1.
The Orioles return to the playing fields of Riis Park this Sunday. Their
opponent is the Blackwater Old Head, and the games kick off at 12:30.
Afterwards, the teams return to Connolly's for the drink-up and the first annual "Win a Kiss from Sully" raffle. All proceeds will go to a good cause (such as bribe money for him not to beat me silly when he reads this) and all fans are welcome to attend and participate.
NEWS & NOTES:
After two straight Waves without an Oriole Report, readers of Rockaway's best-selling paper have been restless. However, all those fans with the benefit of Internet access have been able to get their fill of exciting news by clicking on the team's website (www.eteamz.com/Orioles2000). In addition to reading game reports and player profiles, webheads have the chance to make their voices heard each week in the "Oriole Poll". The first ever "Oriole Poll" appeared a few weeks back, and the category was "Who Is the Hottest Oriole?" The winner, with 28 percent of the vote was former Playboy "Don Juan" Bobby Keating. Right behind him was Sully, with 21 percent, and
the Miser, who got 15 percent. Apparently, no one took this very seriously. Incidentally, I received five votes. I'd like to not only thank the other four people for voting for me, but also remind them that I'm single, and very available.
The next poll asked "What Song Should Sully Sing at Karaoke?" The winner was "If I Only Had a Brain" from the Wizard of Oz, edging out "I'm Too Sexy." The following poll referred to John Rocker's return to Shea Stadium, and was won by a fellow Wave writer. And this week's question is "Who is the greatest
pitcher in Oriole history?" The candidates are all undistinguished in their
own right, so voting should be close. Check back here next week for
Long Island Congressman Peter King made news this week by proposing a bill that would cut the federal tax on a barrel of beer in half. He now overtakes Sonny Bono, Jerry Lawler and Lew Simon as the Oriole Report's favorite politician. If only the Republicans had given him the Senate nomination, Hillary would already be packing her bags and heading back to wherever it is she's from....
If Congressman King's bill passes, will kegs still be $120 each week?....
Have the Mets and their fans stopped crying about Mike Piazza getting hit in the head yet? Trust me, as someone who has watched the Yankees all year, if Clemens was trying to nail the guy, Piazza would have been the safest player on the field. The Rocket has been awful all year, it's not like he's suddenly going to have command of his pitches at that point. Of course, Mets GM Steve Phillips showed just how classy the whole organization can be by banning the Yankees from sharing the weightlifting room. It was surprising to see Phillips take time out from his other job responsibilities -- undermining his manager "Fun" Bobby Valentine; harassing the front office workers like his name was Clinton; getting ripped off by the Oakland A's- to become bouncer of the training room....
Congratulations go out to legendary Oriole "BatBoy" J.W. on his wedding
tonight to the lovely Jenn. Good luck, kids....