2000-05-27 / Sports

Waldheim Report On Softball

By Corinne Waldheim

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Assassin nine that day; the score stood four to two with but one inning more to play. Applying my own spin on Ernest Thayer’s great "Casey at the Bat" seemed fitting as the Assassins left their ammunition at home, 4-2 and 8-1.

It seemed a Mission Impossible to figure out the Mudshark game plan. Even after victory, Joey Ernst was still the goat.

"Has anyone seen his bat," said a representative of Team Mudshark (Bob Steiner, troublemaker extraordinaire). He continued, "things for Joey have hit an all-time low, he has been relegated to the bench until further notice."

Chope took his place in the line-up and had a day…he was 1-2.

"SEALS only impress at the zoo," said the purseholder. Ken Jackowski took a hit, as someone was quick to point out that "the sharks have not won a championship since he joined the team." Speaking of hits, I heard the only hit associated with Ernst was a mob hit on Saturday night. Whether it was the Russian or Italian mob was inconclusive and his car was being held for ransom somewhere in Queens at game time.

Assassin Harold Hicks offered, "Good game, see you in the Championship."

"The team that made the most errors lost. We gave "H" no offensive support, and made some poor decisions on the field. No excuses we just didn't hit," said Angel.

In the second game Lou was given credit as the only bright spot, scoring the Assassins lone run. "The sharks put up an offensive display, singling us to death," concluded Angel.

But with all the veiled (and not so veiled) barbs exchanged one thing remained constant—Ernst was the whipping boy today as his team’s rep added, "The Mudsharks will trade Joey for a cooler and a case of beer—we’ll throw in the case."

Ernest Thayer’s poem sums up the Mudshark/Assassin bout, "somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout; But there is no joy in Mudville – mighty Joey (might as well have) struck out.

Adding to all the bar room banter—after a while I just let the guys pass around my notepad—Chope went on the Mugger attack, "I own Itchy."

"Itchy better go home and practice off the t-ball machine when Chope’s in the house," added an unknown source. Chope continued, "I’m taking down Grassy’s like the Berlin Wall—piece by piece."

Getting back to softball, the Muggers beat the Misfits 9-1 and 15-8. Billy Johnson was said to have pulled a Rickey Henderson as he "dogged it" around the base path. Itchy and Mo chimed, "it could have cost him the game."

Kenny Grey struck out. Bo almost killed someone and the Grassy Point rhino got molested. Itchy was also credited for busting open game two with a three run double. "We swept the Misfits even though the Mudsharks couldn’t," said Itchy. Contrary to the scores John Hartel’s pitching was said to be flat.

Over in Rockies’ territory, the league’s newest old timers, took two from the much younger Orioles, 13-2 and 12-1. Billy Molloy and Dave Cook K’d. Jay hit a grand slam, all eyes were on Dano’s sliding skills, and no one keeps a better book than George Ferguson!

Base running was on everyone’s mind as John Sugden added a few more "what not to dos" to the JBSL How to Win at Softball book. Sugden pinch ran for Charlie Kinzie who will "take full responsibility." Waiting on first for that clutch hit, Sugden took off on a liner. But as his wife clearly stated later on the telephone, "John, you gotta let line drives go through."

Sugden searched Grassy Point for hours looking for the culprit. Bill pitched for the Rockies, who were advised "Don’t lose your constipation." Drink another.

Jimmy Kelly reported that Mike and Lee are done bouncin’ around this league and will settle with the Rockies. After looking through the messy ink I found a note offering an answer to what ails the Orioles, the absence of "heavy-hitter" JP Quinn. The birds will take on old teammate Chope and his band of Mudsharks on Sunday.

The Brewers roared back this week against Blackwater Old Head. The victors would like to congratulate Ian and Kathy Kesslock on the birth of daughter Katilyn Maureen (eight pounds, 13 ounces, 20.5 inches) on May 18.

In Dagger news, it was reported that they took the Roundballs, 21-10 and 8-7. Tommy Cook (4-7), Brian Carlton (2-3), and Pat O'Brien (3-3) were offensive standouts.

Can the antics be topped this coming weekend? I think with the following games to be played there might be a chance (Roundballs are off this weekend):

B.C. -- 10 a.m. Daggers vs. Muggers; 12:30 p.m. Mis Fits vs. Cardinals.

Blvd. -- 10 a.m. Old Head vs. Big Dogs; 12:30 p.m. Freak Show vs. Assassins.

Open -- 10 a.m. Rockies vs. Brewers; 12:30 p.m. Mudsharks vs. Orioles.

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